Destroy the Chest V.2/spin-off

[sgbros1]

Nukes are no match for it, in fact I think it's glowing purple.

I teleport it to a dimension where lids don't exist.

 

[Someone Else 37]

Maybe lids didn't exist in that dimension before you teleported the chest there... but they do now. The chest has one, and it's not disappearing.

I chuck the chest into one of the vats of glistening oil on Old Phyrexia. Maybe it'll dissolve or something.

 

[sgbros1]

You chuck it, and it doesn't dissolve.

I noclip in the chest and sees what's inside.

 

[Someone Else 37]

The chest temporarily blinds you, preventing your noclipping from revealing any of its contents.

I hit the chest with a wand with a Portable Hole focus.

 

[lenscas]

just like some other tile entities it has no effect

I revive both yawgmoth and urza and have them trying to destroy the chest.

 

[Someone Else 37]

Yawgmoth and Urza get into a fight relating to each trying to take over or destroy the other's world, and end up ignoring the chest.

I Shatter the chest.

 

[lenscas]

it end up that darksteel is a good way to make artifacts not care about Shatter

I temporally remove Urza and convince Yawgmoth to have a look at the chest again, if he fails to destroy the chest I temporally remove him and bring back Urza for the same reason.

 

[Someone Else 37]

Yawgmoth dumps a bucket of oil on the chest, which doesn't to anything that my chucking it into a vat of the stuff earlier didn't. Then, Urza animates a few golems and has them beat on the chest for a while, which doesn't deal any more damage than my Shatter spell.

I cast a Banishing Light on the chest.

 

[lenscas]

apparently the chest knows Counterspell.

I create XANA and make that have a look at the chest.

 

[GamerwithnoGame]

The chest follows the idea that iron cannot be a gas as I once had a science teacher tell me (in her defense she was a biology teacher, but still, look it up or something if you do not know), so no gas iron at extreme temps for you

Your teacher was wrong. So very, very wrong. It would need to be in an anoxic environment in order to not oxidise, but of course it's possible!

I create XANA and make that have a look at the chest.

The chest warps reality very slightly so you created Xena instead. She looks at the chest, whacks it with her sword a couple of times and throws her chakram at it, to no avail.

I summon Kratos, as the God of War, to attack the chest with the Blade of Olympus. Wait, is this thing Pandora's Box...?

 

[lenscas]

It seems that the chest prayed a lot to Iroas, God of Victory this resulted in the chest winning the battle

I XANAfie myself(I believe it was called that) and unleash the power of "how does that even work? physics" to the chest.

 

[Celestialphoenix]

Turns out the chest is the leading scientist in how does that even work? physics; and has written several thesis on the subject.

I shower the chest with breadcrumbs and leave it out on the seafront.

 

[Someone Else 37]

The gulls peck the crumbs off the chest, but the chest itself remains unscathed.

I drop the chest into a volcano.

 

[pizzawolf14]

The volcano burns the seagull poop, causing a putrid smell in a short radius. The chest, however, just gets hot.

I give the chest to the government and tell conspiracy theorists that it is an alien creation.

 

[gold49]

The theorist run and hide in the underground city they built preparing for this day.

I make the chest deal with the government's politicians.

 

[sgbros1]

They really only drink booze and watch hookers, so they don't really do much to the chest.

Send the chest to another group of conspiracy theorists and tell them inside the chest is all the government's secrets

 

[pizzawolf14]

They don't believe you because they think that it is a government trap. Nonetheless, they attack it anyway. Unfortunately, conspiracy theorists aren't the strongest group, and don't hurt the chest.

I zap the chest with a lot of electricity.

On a side note, I zapped myself with my laptop charger about 30 minutes ago and it still feels like my hand is vibrating...

 

[sgbros1]

Ok, I'll be the nice guy here. It takes a bit of damage.

Chest Health: 94.9/100

I rearrange the molecules of the chest such that it becomes open

 

[scourge728]

The chest molecules rerearrange themselves back to closed and then rearranged YOUR molecules into a mouse

you guys know how to stop a godmodder WITH ANOTHER ONE summoning the biggest godmodder of them all MARRISA ROBERTS DUN DUN DUN!!!!! (here is a little review on her story https://www.fanfiction.net/s/8640533/1/ITS-MY-LIFE-The-commentary-or-rather-another-one read that first before assessing damage)

 

[sgbros1]

The chest takes a big hit after reading the horrible grammar

Chest health: 93.2/100

I hook a Storage Bus to the chest and access it with a ME Terminal.