Destroy the Chest V.2/spin-off

[sgbros1]

The chest gets blown away.

I get a ton of mice to nom on the chest slowly.

 

[Celestialphoenix]

I've seen the damage rodents can cause. Chest health 93/100.

I drag myself out the pit and paint the chest a rather fetching shade of pink.

 

[sgbros1]

The chest becomes slightly feminine.

I give it nice jewellery

 

[xTordX]

It is now sparkly.

I freeze the chest with SOLID nitrogen, unfreeze it and give it a kick.

 

[Someone Else 37]

The chest thinks you are very strange.
Edit because ninja tord: The chest is already solid; your freezing it does nothing.

I drop the chest on this hill.

 

[sgbros1]

The hill is not that tall.

I buy it shoes to make it more feminine and submissive.

 

[xTordX]

The chest thinks you are very strange.
Edit because ninja tord: The chest is already solid; your freezing it does nothing.

I drop the chest on this hill.

Freezing and unfreezing quickly causes materials to become easily breakable you derp

 

[Someone Else 37]

Freezing and unfreezing quickly causes materials to become easily breakable you derp

Maybe it has that effect on racquetballs, but not this chest (for pete's sake, it just ate the sun)...

Anyhow, the shoes do make the chest slightly more femenine, but no less submissive.

I give the chest three wishes, which I secretly route through the Corrupt a Wish thread.

 

[xTordX]

It wishes for bad things. So... Yeah.
I give the chest a baby.

 

[sgbros1]

A baby chest means A) There's another chest to open. B) There's another annoying chest to open.

I give it a pearl necklace *wink wink nudge nudge*

 

[Celestialphoenix]

Somewhat inappropriate- but the chest turns it into actual pearls, and makes a fair bit flogging them on ebay.

I expose the chest to the most toxic environment in the known universe.

 

[sgbros1]

Fine.
Chest health: 92/100.

I please the chest with more flowers.

 

[GamerwithnoGame]

Fine.
Chest health: 92/100.

I please the chest with more flowers.

The chest is confused as to why on earth you conflate femininity with submissiveness, but it accepts your flowers.

I raid the SCP archives for a suitable artifact to use on the chest.

 

[Celestialphoenix]

The archives reveal that it was once worshipped by tribal nomads, and that it toppled a large empire.

I hit the chest with my old Nokia.

 

[sgbros1]

They just collide with each other, and end up unscathed.

I drop the chest into molten Nokia

 

[Celestialphoenix]

The chest gets covered in molten Nokia, which then cools and hardens

I put wheels on the now armoured chest and enter it into Robot Wars.

 

[lenscas]

you get banned for hacking as your bot doesn't take any damage

I let a few compressed universes collide with the chest

 

[sgbros1]

The chest is half-kirby. Nomnomnom...

I strike it with Mjolnir

 

[Celestialphoenix]

The chest strikes Mjolnir with you. Mjolnir health 74/100.

I abuse the laws of non-Euclidean geometry to strike the chest with itself.

 

[keybounce]

Turns out that The Incredibles was wrong -- the chest does not damage itself.

I borrow the hair drier from XKCD (http://what-if.xkcd.com/35/) and turn it on next to the chest. (and then stand way way back)