"Follow me!" I shout.
Jesus, this guy's been here not a week and he's boned one girl, ogled another, who just so happens to be my girlfriend, and run off and touched a diseased eagle.
I run towards the eagle room, so see Lewis on the floor, his skin greenish, waxy and bubbling, his face swelling, his hair... Rotting? Ugh.
"Holy shit!" Maddie squeals. Ow. Her voice is loud. I already get enough of her shouting when I'm trying to sleep (OH GOD THE EUPHEMISMS NEVER END).
I wrap shadows around my hands as gloves, and drag him up.
"Okay, Maddie," I say caringly, "I know you won't like this, because you're shallow as FUCK, but it won't hurt you. I'm gonna need you to kiss him."
Maddie recoils in disgust, as I knew she would.
"Oh, come on, Maddie!" Aaron says, "I've heard you do much worse things at two o'clock in the morning!"
"Okay," Maddie sighs, "can we stop with the sex references now?""
"No," we all say in unison.
"You know what, fuck it, I've got nothing to lose."
And they kiss. If you can even call it that. I can't. I just call it faceplanting him and sticking her tongue down his throat.
The blisters recede. The skin goes back to its normal orange hue. The hair gets all spiky again. His face goes down. We clap. We cheer. We don't hug either of them. We go back.
"Well," I say cheerfully, "that was a pointless exercise!"