Destroy the Chest V.2/spin-off

[xTordX]

The chest is confused as fuck.
CRITICAL HIT!

Chest health: 86/100

 

[Celestialphoenix]

Tord forgets to attack the chest- giving it time to recover. Chest health 89/100

The chest is now my Rauser target.

 

[WitherBlaster]

The chest sits unscathed amid a wasteland of charred pieces of ships.

I task the chest with finding a logical reason for every strange occurrence in every video game ever.

 

[sgbros1]

It calls The Game Theorists and let them get a headache.

I teach quantum mechanics, string theory and 4d physics to the chest.

 

[WitherBlaster]

The chest becomes a renowned physicist, and goes on to make several ground-breaking discoveries, moving the advancement of technology forward by several decades in just a few short years.

I force the chest to listen to Justin Bieber. I am a very cruel person (plant-person...thing).

 

[gold49]

The chest erases Bieber from history, and is from now on called a hero by everyone who can hear.

I give the chest my weak ankles and then make it run laps

 

[WitherBlaster]

The chest simply levitates the whole time.

I slash it with katanas.

 

[xTordX]

The katanas break.

I slice it with kecko...kekuko......
The sword which can kill creative mode players.

 

[WitherBlaster]

The sword breaks.

Hit it with the Bane of Pigs!

 

[gold49]

The chest read that as Bay of Pigs, so the plan goes terribly and leads to a missile crisis.

I send a pack of hungry wolves at the chest.

 

[xTordX]

Oo look at all these chipped fangs!

Cut it with diamond.

 

[gold49]

The diamond leaves a slight scratch before being absorbed by the chest.

Chest Health:
88.8/100

I throw the chest into Jupiter's atmosphere.

 

[Celestialphoenix]

The added mass of the chest causes Jupiter to collapse and ignite- birthing a new star.

I port forward 100k years and initiate Jupiter's demise into supernova.

 

[trajing]

The supernova begins, then then the alien in charge of the physics of our section of the universe realizes that Jupiter is far too small to create a supernova, and changes it into a pot of petunias.

I throw the chest into Betelgeuse.

 

[Someone Else 37]

Your throwing the chest into Betelgeuse somehow causes the Great Collapsing Hrung Disaster on the fifth planet orbiting it, wiping out all the planet's natives save Ford Prefect and his father.

I convince the Vogons that destroying the chest would solve all their problems.

 

[trajing]

The Vogons decide you're more of a pest and decide to read poetry to you.


I flip on the Infinite Improbability Drive next to the chest.

 

[WitherBlaster]

The chest spontaneously begins tap dancing.


Warp the chest to the End of Time, where it will (hopefully) succumb to the pure entropy that constitutes the whole universe at this point.

 

[lenscas]

It creates a new beginning of time and is thus unharmed

I hide behind the chest in the hopes that @sharkan the mad will destroy it instead of me

 

[Someone Else 37]

Sharkan looks at the chest, says "Nope", then looks behind it.

I teleport you inside the chest, so Sharkan will have to destroy it before he can get to you.

 

[jdog1408]

Knowing that Sharkan would tell people about what was in the chest, the chest refuses to let him/her/it out. She is now another reward to be forever kept by the chest.

I make a new alloy known as noshamium(I actually wanna make this, how much publicity would an alloy named after your company get you? #ShamelessSelfPromotion #NoShamInc) and make a sword out of if and hit the chest with it