The Truly Terrible Jokes/Puns Thread

lenscas

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You Might Be A Programmer If:

1. You immediately complain that this should be subscripted as zero.

2. Most people say "Go To Hell," but you tell people to redirect to
/dev/null.

3. By the time you've gotten here in the document, you've run Tidy
or a similar app to check my X/HTML skills.

4. Point 3 annoys you, since this document is obviously plaintext
without html formatting.

5. The statement (0x2b||!0x2b) makes sense to you.

6. You find 5 funny.

7. You note with disgust that it always evaluates to true, since
0x2b != 0.

8. Point 7 disgusts you, because under other languages than C++
(Java, for one), it would throw an exception, runtime error, etc.

9. Both points 7 and 8 disgust you, because (0x2b||!0x2b) isn't
a statement.

10. You wonder why there's so much religious debate. After all,
can't they just type man life?

11. Point 10 disgusts you, because your PDP-10 does not have man pages.

12.
When you think of Blowfish, the stuff described on www. blowfish .com
has no relation to what comes to mind.

13. You can write formal grammar statements for C, C++, C#, Java,
Perl, Python, PHP, HTML, any XML schema, Assembly, Obj-C, QBASIC,
XBASIC, Oo_O BASIC, StarMath, and just about anything else I could
throw at you, and yet the question, "Is our children learning?"
raises no red flags.

14. You wonder why point 13 is making a reference to John Kerry.

15. You quit drinking coffee; caffeine I/Vs are easier.

16. Your [email protected] password is the chemical formula for caffeine.

17. You didn't know that there was a war in Iraq: too busy preparing
for the next gcc compiler release.

18. You wrote the GPL.

19. You think a "pipe dream" involves bash scripting.

20. Point 19 disgusts you, since zsh is so much more powerful.

Disclaimer:

This joke was obtained from the FSF's email archives of the GNU
Project. The Free Software Foundation claims no copyrights on
this joke.

Further jokes (by Scott Lawrence) were added later on.

$Date: 2010/11/17 01:55:50 $



Yes, I just copied the whole page
 
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lenscas

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and another terminal joke:

% man: why did you get a divorce?
man:: Too many arguments.
 
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Type1Ninja

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CAN'T
HANDLE
THE PUNS
*breaks down*
I don't experience any of those programmer symptoms, but I do go through withdrawals any time I'm prevented from working on whatever my current project is. Does that count? :)
 

TheEpic5

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Well, I'll just look it up on my limewire whilist eating limes.
(NOTE, I DO NOT ECOURAGE PIRATING)
 

ljfa

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Tales about Skye eating four bits...

<Skye> I only ate 4 serial bars
<Vic> nom...
<gamemanj> Skye: So that's why I seem to only be able to transfer stuff to my memory pen nibble-by-nibble... The upper 4-bits disappeared!
<Skye> :3
<Skye> cereal
<Skye> nom
* Skye hugs gamemanj
<Skye> good joke!
<gamemanj> Skye: Now excuse me, I have to go write a file recovery program that handles a global bitwise AND by 0x0F on everything.
<gamemanj> (it's probably impossible)
<Skye> and also make it so that it splits a byte into two nibbles!
<gamemanj> Skye: That's what I was referring to: you nommed the data lines carrying the upper nibble, so only the lower nibble(bitmask 0x0F) remains
 
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Type1Ninja

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Tales about Skye eating four bits...

<Skye> I only ate 4 serial bars
<Vic> nom...
<gamemanj> Skye: So that's why I seem to only be able to transfer stuff to my memory pen nibble-by-nibble... The upper 4-bits disappeared!
<Skye> :3
<Skye> cereal
<Skye> nom
* Skye hugs gamemanj
<Skye> good joke!
<gamemanj> Skye: Now excuse me, I have to go write a file recovery program that handles a global bitwise AND by 0x0F on everything.
<gamemanj> (it's probably impossible)
<Skye> and also make it so that it splits a byte into two nibbles!
<gamemanj> Skye: That's what I was referring to: you nommed the data lines carrying the upper nibble, so only the lower nibble(bitmask 0x0F) remains
I... I don't understand... XD