The Truly Terrible Jokes/Puns Thread

Discussion in 'Forum Games' started by jordsta95, Apr 16, 2015.

  1. jordsta95

    jordsta95 New Member

    I'm sure you can guess from the title what you have to to here.

    Post your very bad (but extremely hilarious) jokes/puns... make someone laugh at something truly terrible...




    So to get the ball rolling:
    my little brother just threw a fucking milk carton at me. wtf how dairy
     
  2. playerismc

    playerismc New Member

    I made a 360 stunt with my bike a hill down because I made an emergency brake, for no reason. The funny part is, nothing much happened xD
     
  3. HeilMewTwo

    HeilMewTwo New Member

    There are two identical twin brothers that live together. One happens to be a well-respected dentist, and the other can't seem to keep a job. Instead of actively looking for work, he likes to sit around at home. One Saturday, the dentist is hungry, and puts his brother on the spot. He tells him to get off his lazy behind and go get them some food. After some protest, the lazy brother takes the car and leaves for the store. In the meantime, the dentist takes a nap on his day off. He turns off his phone so he won't be interrupted.

    About 30 minutes later, the lazy brother gets into a head-on collision in the intersection by the grocery store. His vital signs are fading; he's unconscious and barely moving. An ambulance picks him up and rushes him to the hospital. He ends up in the Emergency Room under observation, but his condition is critical. They try calling his dentist brother, but he doesn't pick up because his phone is off.

    The dentist wakes to a knock on the door. Suspecting a solicitor, he ignores it, but the knocking continues. Eventually, he resolves to get up and yell at the person at the door. When he does, he reveals--- the grim reaper. He is just as he appears in movies; a full skeleton underneath a tattered cloak.

    The grim reaper swears. "Oh no! This always happens with identical twins".

    "What do you mean?" asks the dentist.

    "Well... if you must know, your brother was in a critical car accident, and I've come to take him to the underworld. I'm afraid his time on Earth has ended. I'll take my leave now."

    The dentist is noticeably upset. He says "Wait! Isn't there some way I can challenge you for my brother's life? After all, YOU made the mistake. Certainly there must be a way I can bargain for his life."

    The grim reaper asks "What do you have in mind?"

    The dentist thinks. "How about a challenge? If I beat you, you let my brother go free."

    The grim reaper laughs. "I will beat you in any challenge. What challenge do you propose?"

    The dentist smiles. "I propose we see who has the cleanest teeth. 5 minute of brushing each, then we decide."

    "Very well" says the grim reaper, who makes his way to the bathroom.

    Once there, he pulls back his tattered cloak to reveal his skull. It's glistening. He takes a toothbrush from the bathroom, loads it with toothpaste, and brushes. After 5 minutes, the shiniest teeth anyone has ever seen glisten and make the room bright. The grim reaper grins. "You are foolish human. But, you are entitled to your chance."

    The dentist takes another toothbrush, loads it with toothpaste, and starts brushing like a madman. When his 5 minutes are up, he spits out the paste. He smiles.

    It's unbelievable.

    The shine from the dentist's teeth is so beautiful that he can see the grim reaper's reflection in his perfectly clean teeth.

    The winner is obvious. The grim reaper hangs his head in shame. "You win, human. This time. Your brother will live." He disappears in a puff of smoke. At the same instant, the bed-ridden brother wakes up in the hospital. Not only is he uninjured, he seems perfectly healthy. Suddenly, the phone by his bed rings. It's his brother, the dentist. He picks up. "Hey bro. You'll never believe what happened. Apparently, I went out to the market and got hit by a car. They say I almost died."

    The dentist smiles on the phone and says. "That's interesting, bro. Today you might say that I also had a brush with death."
     
  4. Type1Ninja

    Type1Ninja New Member

    DesCartes walks into a bar.
    The bartender says, "Would you like something to drink, sir?"
    DesCartes says "I think not."
    Then he disappears.
     
    GamerwithnoGame likes this.
  5. Lethosos

    Lethosos New Member

    A man walks into a bar.

    He says, "Ow."

    Sent from my SGH-T769 using Tapatalk 2
     
  6. Type1Ninja

    Type1Ninja New Member

    Did you hear about the guy who got cooled down to absolute zero?
    He's 0k now.
     
  7. ljfa

    ljfa New Member

    A neutron walks into a bar and orders a drink.
    The bartender says "For you, no charge."
     
  8. Type1Ninja

    Type1Ninja New Member

    Have you heard about that new band, 1023mB?
    They haven't had any gigs yet.
     
  9. jordsta95

    jordsta95 New Member

    What's brown and sticky?

    A stick
     
  10. jordsta95

    jordsta95 New Member

    Never believe an atom.
    They make up everything!
     
  11. HeilMewTwo

    HeilMewTwo New Member

    I don't trust stairs, they are always up to something...
     
  12. jordsta95

    jordsta95 New Member

    Not only do I fall down stairs, I trip up them too. Now that takes talent!
     
  13. Chaka

    Chaka FTB Team Mod Developer Retired Staff

    Yer a wizard harry!
     
  14. Lethosos

    Lethosos New Member

    What do you call a boomerang that doesn't return?

    A stick!

    Sent from my SGH-T769 using Tapatalk 2
     
  15. jordsta95

    jordsta95 New Member

    What red and smells like blue paint?

    Red paint
     
  16. Type1Ninja

    Type1Ninja New Member

    What's black and white and red all over?

    A sunburned penguin.
     
  17. jordsta95

    jordsta95 New Member

    Whats black and white and black and white and black and white and black and white?

    Penguin rolling down a hill ;)
     
  18. Chaka

    Chaka FTB Team Mod Developer Retired Staff

    Yer a wizard harry!
     
  19. skunkdonkey

    skunkdonkey New Member

    Why did the turkey cross the road?

    Cas the chicken was dead
     
    LivingAngryCheese likes this.
  20. Type1Ninja

    Type1Ninja New Member

    Two cymbals and a snare drum fall off a cliff.

    Ba dum tss!
     

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