Dumb blond thinks that since boy and girl is 'taken' by the other girls her baby cannot be one of those two, so puppies
The Truly Terrible Jokes/Puns Thread
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Dumb blond thinks that since boy and girl is 'taken' by the other girls her baby cannot be one of those two, so puppies
All blonde jokes are about blondes grabbing the wrong end of the stick. Or no sticks, for that matter.
Think about it.
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Crucial parts of the joke were missing 
woman one had sex missionary style. Woman 2 was on top. Guess what the blonde was doing?
woman one had sex missionary style. Woman 2 was on top. Guess what the blonde was doing?
Celestialphoenix
Too Much Free Time
(stolen from a friend on FB)
I love whiteboards.
They're remarkable.
I love whiteboards.
They're remarkable.
They should make a Minecraft movie.
It would be a blockbuster.
It would be a blockbuster.
some OS jokes
linux is highly user friendly, it is just highly selective who it is friends with.
Windows 95/98, (n): 32 bit extension and a graphical shell for a 16 bit patch to an 8 bit operating system originally coded for a 4 bit microprossessor, written by a 2 bit company that can't stand 1 bit of competition.
Failure is not an option -- it comes bundled with Windows.
- give me a piece of bread
- do it your self.
- sudo give me a piece of bread
- yes sir
linux is highly user friendly, it is just highly selective who it is friends with.
Windows 95/98, (n): 32 bit extension and a graphical shell for a 16 bit patch to an 8 bit operating system originally coded for a 4 bit microprossessor, written by a 2 bit company that can't stand 1 bit of competition.
Failure is not an option -- it comes bundled with Windows.
- give me a piece of bread
- do it your self.
- sudo give me a piece of bread
- yes sir
It was late at night.
Until it dawned on me.
Until it dawned on me.
I actually wanted to tell that pun to @VictiniX888, but then it spiraled out of control...
basically every joke I make on this forum that requires some form of roleplay. Thanks to one of those jokes I now have this avatar.
some more computer jokes
UNIX is basically a simple operating system, but you have to be a genius to
understand the simplicity.
Dennis Ritchie
In a world without walls or fences who needs windows or gates.
UNIX is basically a simple operating system, but you have to be a genius to
understand the simplicity.
Dennis Ritchie
In a world without walls or fences who needs windows or gates.
A manager, a hardware engineer and a software engineer are going down a hill in a car. The brakes fail, and with no means of slowing down the car accelerates as it goes down. Eventually the driver decides it's best to put the car in a ditch, so they brace themselves and it's all over. Car stopped, no-one hurt.
After congratulating the driver for his skill, they start debating what to do next.
The manager says they ought to call a meeting, weigh up various options, reach a conclusion and act on it.
"No" says the hardware guy, "I have my swiss army knife here, and some spare parts. I'll bet I can fix it"
"Hang on" says the software engineer, "before doing anything drastic, why don't we push it back up the hill and see if it happens again?"
I already know what OS the software engineer is using.
After congratulating the driver for his skill, they start debating what to do next.
The manager says they ought to call a meeting, weigh up various options, reach a conclusion and act on it.
"No" says the hardware guy, "I have my swiss army knife here, and some spare parts. I'll bet I can fix it"
"Hang on" says the software engineer, "before doing anything drastic, why don't we push it back up the hill and see if it happens again?"
I already know what OS the software engineer is using.
edit another joke that I didn't find worthy of its own post
Q: What's the best thing about telling UDP jokes?
A: You don't care when nobody gets them.
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Slightly related
Santa is a Sys Admin
I was musing on similarities between Santa Claus and system
administrators. Consider:
1. Santa is bearded, corpulent, and dresses funny.
2. When you ask Santa for something, the odds of receiving
what you wanted are infinitesimal.
3. Santa seldom answers your mail.
4. When you ask Santa where he gets all the stuff he's got, he
says, "Elves make it for me."
5. Santa doesn't care about your deadlines.
6. Your parents ascribed supernatural powers to Santa, but
did all the work themselves.
7. Nobody knows who Santa has to answer to for his actions.
8. Santa laughs entirely too much.
9. Santa thinks nothing of breaking into your $HOME.
10. Only a lunatic says bad things about Santa in his presence.
I was musing on similarities between Santa Claus and system
administrators. Consider:
1. Santa is bearded, corpulent, and dresses funny.
2. When you ask Santa for something, the odds of receiving
what you wanted are infinitesimal.
3. Santa seldom answers your mail.
4. When you ask Santa where he gets all the stuff he's got, he
says, "Elves make it for me."
5. Santa doesn't care about your deadlines.
6. Your parents ascribed supernatural powers to Santa, but
did all the work themselves.
7. Nobody knows who Santa has to answer to for his actions.
8. Santa laughs entirely too much.
9. Santa thinks nothing of breaking into your $HOME.
10. Only a lunatic says bad things about Santa in his presence.
As I boot up my PC,
my modem dailing next to me,
I ask the Lord, give me a sign....
Will I ever get on-line?
If you'd kindly let me through,
I'll byte no more than I can chew.
I'll surf the waves amid the Net,
with my mouse, my loyal pet.
And through each window I will see
the websites that are offered me.
Resisting any chat room's lure,
I'll download only what is pure.
If system errors don't prevail,
I vow to read all my e-mail.
If you save me from a crash,
I'll dump my games into the trash.
And please don't take my CD-ROM!
Thank you Lord, God Bless.com
and another one
not a real joke but it will make you smile, or lose faith in humanity. maybe both.
not a real joke but it will make you smile, or lose faith in humanity. maybe both.
User: My power supply's burning.
Tech: You need a new power supply.
User: No I don't.
(They argue on a bit)
Tech: Fine, why don't you think you need a new power supply.
User: My friend told me there is a DOS command, that will stop the smoke.
Tech: One moment please.
(Silence for several minutes)
Tech: All right, we don't normally tell this to our customers, but there is a command.
User: I knew it.
Tech: All you have to do is type in nosmoke.exe (No smoke)
User: It's not working.
Tech: What version of DOS are you using?
User: DOS 5 (could be some other version, I'm not familiar with DOS versioning).
Tech: Well, there's your problem, DOS 5 isn't compatible with nosmoke.exe, contact Microsoft, and upgrade.
(The user hangs up. After a few hours, the user calls back).
User: I need a new power supply.
Tech: Oh, how did you come to that conclusion?
User: Microsoft told me that my power supply isn't compatible with nosmoke.exe.
Tech: You need a new power supply.
User: No I don't.
(They argue on a bit)
Tech: Fine, why don't you think you need a new power supply.
User: My friend told me there is a DOS command, that will stop the smoke.
Tech: One moment please.
(Silence for several minutes)
Tech: All right, we don't normally tell this to our customers, but there is a command.
User: I knew it.
Tech: All you have to do is type in nosmoke.exe (No smoke)
User: It's not working.
Tech: What version of DOS are you using?
User: DOS 5 (could be some other version, I'm not familiar with DOS versioning).
Tech: Well, there's your problem, DOS 5 isn't compatible with nosmoke.exe, contact Microsoft, and upgrade.
(The user hangs up. After a few hours, the user calls back).
User: I need a new power supply.
Tech: Oh, how did you come to that conclusion?
User: Microsoft told me that my power supply isn't compatible with nosmoke.exe.
Reminds me how tempting it is to ramble off random jargon with people who think they know everything about computer hardware.
"My computer is the best, it is from -insert over-hyped company here- and has a -insert overkill for gaming cpu here-!"
"But is the north bridge connected to the SRAM with the lp cache running the vitural machine? Is the GPU soldered to the CUDA and m.2 slot? And please tell me you defragmented your ROM with a PSU."
"My computer is the best, it is from -insert over-hyped company here- and has a -insert overkill for gaming cpu here-!"
"But is the north bridge connected to the SRAM with the lp cache running the vitural machine? Is the GPU soldered to the CUDA and m.2 slot? And please tell me you defragmented your ROM with a PSU."
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