The Truly Terrible Jokes/Puns Thread
- Thread starter jordsta95
- Start date
Book names:
Nail in the Bannister, by R. Stornoway
Cat in the Bed, by Claude Balls
Nail in the Bannister, by R. Stornoway
Cat in the Bed, by Claude Balls
Celestialphoenix
Too Much Free Time
How do you know if theres an elephant in the fridge?
How do you know if theres two elephants in the fridge?
Footprints in the butter.
How do you know if theres two elephants in the fridge?
More footprints in the butter.
How do you know if theres three elephants in the fridge?
You just can't quite close the door.
So how do you know if theres four elephants in the fridge?
Theres a mini cooper parked out front.
An old farmer's dog goes missing and he is inconsolable.
His wife says to him, "why don't you put an ad in the paper to get him back".
The farmer does this, but after two weeks the dog is still missing.
"What did you write in the paper?" asked his wife.
"Here boy," said the farmer.
His wife says to him, "why don't you put an ad in the paper to get him back".
The farmer does this, but after two weeks the dog is still missing.
"What did you write in the paper?" asked his wife.
"Here boy," said the farmer.
An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman all live in a cabin on the edge of the woods.
One day, the Englishman goes hunting. He comes back a day later with the largest deer they've ever seen. "Where did you find that monster?" they ask him. "Well," said the Englishman, " I followed the lines, I crossed the tracks and bang! I got it."
So the next day, the Scotsman goes out hunting. He comes back a week later with the largest bear they've ever seen. "Where did you find that monster?" they ask him. "Well," said the Scotsman, " I followed the lines, I crossed the tracks and bang! I got it."
So the next day, the Irishman goes out hunting. He comes back a month later in a wheelchair, with arms and legs in plaster. "What happened to you!?" they ask him. "Well," said the Irishman, " I followed the lines, I crossed the tracks and bang! I got 'it by a train."
One day, the Englishman goes hunting. He comes back a day later with the largest deer they've ever seen. "Where did you find that monster?" they ask him. "Well," said the Englishman, " I followed the lines, I crossed the tracks and bang! I got it."
So the next day, the Scotsman goes out hunting. He comes back a week later with the largest bear they've ever seen. "Where did you find that monster?" they ask him. "Well," said the Scotsman, " I followed the lines, I crossed the tracks and bang! I got it."
So the next day, the Irishman goes out hunting. He comes back a month later in a wheelchair, with arms and legs in plaster. "What happened to you!?" they ask him. "Well," said the Irishman, " I followed the lines, I crossed the tracks and bang! I got 'it by a train."
A tachyon walks into a bar. A tachyon walks into a bar...
(It's funny cause quantum mechanics)
(It's funny cause quantum mechanics)
The barman says "We don't serve antiparticles here."
A positron walks into a bar.
A positron walks into a bar.
A pun maker is currently working on a script for a theatrical production.
He calls it "a play on words".
He calls it "a play on words".
Two chemists walk into a bar. The first one orders H2O. The second one orders H2O too. The second one died.
How do you tell if Lady Gaga is awake?
Poke 'er face.
Poke 'er face.
Going for the "Terrible"
Why did Suzy fall off the swing?
She had no arms
Knock Knock
Who's there
Not Suzy
Knock Knock
Who's there
Suzy, and now her head hurts
Why did Suzy fall off the swing?
She had no arms
Knock Knock
Who's there
Not Suzy
Knock Knock
Who's there
Suzy, and now her head hurts
What did the cow say to the sheep?
Nothing, cows can't talk.
Nothing, cows can't talk.