The Truly Terrible Jokes/Puns Thread

Yes, but this is a forum which the moderators are trying to keep family friendly. Dead baby jokes in the middle of a thread are the sort of thing that are likely to upset people and generate reports to the moderators. It's the kind of thing that is better kept to a private conversation, as we have done in the past.

 

Not likely- When posts (and people) go missing there's normally a pile psychedelic moderator text telling us to stuff a sock in it and behave

All the same, spoiler tags would be nice for those who dont want to know the difference between a porche and a dead baby.

Spoiler

I actually have a porche in my garage you peasants

 

... I gotta use that. (With the appropriate brand, of course )

 

Maybe I'm getting two threads mixed up. That could be it.

Nevermind.

 

Spoiler: My 2 cents on DBJs

Golly I remember when dead baby jokes was a page on facebook. It finally got taken down because of, as they put it, 'foamers' or people complaining about the page (and from what I saw it was generally people who were trolling the site or really didnt have the right to complain about it i.e flinging insults that were equally bad, but mehh... I believe the page still exists but all it's content got wiped, so there's really only 2 or 3 generic jokes now). But yea kids play this game and prolly shouldnt be on here lol...

Anyways,
If you put in your 2 cents but people only ask a penny for your thoughts, where does the other penny go???

 

Exchange rates man.

 

Whoever offers a penny for one's thoughts often sets the asking price way to high.

 

Otherwise you're forced to drop a dime on them, dolla dolla holla, y'all.

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Electricity jokes are shocking.

 

Me: Waiter, this coffee tastes like mud.
Waiter: Yes, it's fresh ground.

 

Top 23 things likely to be overheard if you had a Klingon on your software development team:

1. "This code is a piece of crap! You have no honor!"
2. "A TRUE Klingon warrior does not comment his code!"
3. "By filing this bug you have questioned my family honor. Prepare to die!"
4. "You question the worthiness of my Code?! I should kill you where you stand!"
5. "Our competitors are without honor!"
6. "Specs are for the weak and timid!"
7. "This machine is a piece of GAGH! I need dual Pentium processors if I am to do battle with this code!"
8. "Perhaps it IS a good day to Die! I say we ship it!"
9. "My program has just dumped Stova Core!"
10. "Behold, the keyboard of Kalis! The greatest Klingon code warrior that ever lived!"
11. "I have challenged the entire ISO-9000 review team to a round of Bat-Leth practice on the holodeck. They will not concern us again."
12. "C++? That is for children. A Klingon Warrior uses only machine code, keyed in on the front panel switches in raw binary."
13. "Debugging? Klingons do not debug. Bugs are good for building character in the user."
14. "Defensive programming? Never! Klingon programs are always on the offense. Yes, Offensive programming is what we do best."
15. "Klingon programs don't do accountancy. For that, you need a Farengi programmer."
16. "Klingon multitasking systems do not support "time-sharing". When a Klingon program wants to run, it challenges the scheduler in hand-to-hand combat and owns the machine."
17. "Klingon function calls do not have 'parameters' - they have 'arguments' - and they ALWAYS WIN THEM."
18. "You humans call this thing a 'cursor' and you move it with 'mouse'! Bah! A Klingon would not use such a device. We have a Karaghht-Gnot - which is best translated as "An Aiming Daggar of 16x16 pixels" and we move it using a Gshnarrrf which is a creature from the Klingon homeworld which posesses just one, (disproportionately large) testicle...which it rubs along the ground.....uh do we really need to talk about this?"
19. "I am without honor...my children are without honor... My father coded at the Battle of Kittimer...and...and...he...HE ALLOWED HIMSELF TO BE MICROMANAGED." <shudder>
20. "Klingons do not make software 'releases'. Our software 'escapes'. Typically leaving a trail of wounded programmers in it's wake."
21. "Microsoft is actually a secret Farengi-Klingon alliance designed to cripple the Federation. The Farengi are doing the marketing and the Klingons are writing the code."
22. "Klingons do not believe in indentation - except perhaps in the skulls of their program managers."
23. "You can't truly appreciate Dilbert unless you read it in the original Klingon."

 

When Chuck Norris pays his taxes he sends a empty form with a single picture of himself, crouched, ready to attack, attacked. Chuck Norris has never needed to pay his taxes.

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You don't just run through a campground--you ran past tents.

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Winter is strumming.

 

It's not that the man did not know how to juggle, he just didn't have the balls to do it.

 

4+4 is as easy as π

 

How do you make seven even? Remove the "s".
How do you make six odd? Remove the "s".

 

Wait, what did it say at first


Sent from an iPod 65, illegally talked about because of partnership. iPod 65 teleports through years like Back to the Past (Sequel to Back to the Future except in 2096).