[Hospital]
"You'd have thought I'd have been better suited for something like this - every night shift in a rough neighbourhood is an invitation for someone to try and stab me. Nevertheless here I am, hospitalised just like you. I guess none of us were really ready for this huh?"
As much as my words seems companionable, my stomach feels hollow. No matter what this kid might say, however nice he's trying to be, he doesn't understand. I am alone. I've been alone for the past ten years, looking in on the world whilst drifting through it, the nauseous feeling of separation building up only to be washed away by another drunken binge and a casual fling. I feel like a ghost in a living world, untouched by all but the sharpest of sensations.
The room feels suffocating all of a sudden, and I feel a desperate need to get out, to be anywhere other than here, to run from my feelings of the past. I feel soiled, not just from my swim in the Thames, but by my existence. I consider calling the nurse, but I'm too fragile right now. After everything that's happened the last thing that I need is to break down again in with someone watching. I climb out of bed, and realise that I probably ought to say something to ...Christopher.
"Erm...I'm going out for a walk. I'd offer for you to join, but I don't think you'd appreciate it. If anyone comes looking, tell them that I'm fine and I'll be back in a bit."
That said, I have to physically concentrate to stop myself just running out the room and to force myself to walk calmly. As soon as the door shuts behind me, I dash off, in search of a shower that I can use to try and make myself feel clean again.
|Christopher Watson|
|Hospital|
I sighed heavily, watching her just leave the room. She tried talking me into her apparent calmness, but something felt wrong. I couldn't do much, considering the state of my leg -- not that I would run after her, but I honestly don't think she got the full picture, and personally, I strongly believe that lack of information is one of the most easily avoidable errors someone is able to take. I opened my mouth, to say something, but gave up after thinking about it: if just wants space, that's completely understandable, I just don't want to get into trouble. "Lorna Bales", I'll need to remember this name.