My thoughts on the whole grind-subject: I find it quite entertaining and also a different challenge than usual. Since I find it hard to remember recipes when they take 5 or more sub-tasks, I had to help me out with multiple crafting tables (or the Steve's workshop one that combines them), smart NEI filtering and even some notes on paper.
I recommend you look into the BiblioCraft Clipboard. It is perfect for To Do lists and remembering the steps in complicated recipes. It even comes with check boxes next to each line, so you can visually check your progress. They can also be hung on walls (I keep one by the door to remind me of what supplies I'm low on, particularly in the early game.). I find myself lost without one these days.
Now, on to the grind. I feel like very few mods, let alone mod packs, manage the line between slowing down the game using resources to gate progression and boring me with the need for obscene investment or overly nested crafting. I'm OK with progression, but being face in a crafting table for 20 minutes isn't my idea of fun.
Personally, I don't have the time I once had to invest in a game. This makes some of the mods and packs seem daunting, as it will take me a month or more to change tiers in some of them (I played Resurrection on a server with friends for two months, and I barely left the Bronze Age). It also means the time I do have to invest means a lot to me, and any mod that uses time played as a gating mechanic is right out.
On the other hand, I've decided to avoid mods like MFR when I have other options because I feel the benefit/investment ratio makes my game too easy. Not that I don't love the solutions they provide. I do. MFR had me hooked when I first started modded MC, but now that I've seen more of the landscape, I can't shake the feeling that it's all too simple. I know I could config it or Minetweak the recipes, but unless I'm making my own pack, that's just not going to happen.
Grind, as a mechanic, lacks a universal definition. I consider gating automated tree farming to be grindy, but that's simply because I hate shopping down trees (TiCo Lumber Axe helps me deal with it) and wood is a base level resource that I always find myself low on early game. I'm a bit of a Dwarf, so I don't mind manual mining even into mid game. Other people I play with consider manual mining past their first three diamonds to be a grind. You'll never please all the people with your mod/modpack, so cater to the target audience, and ask those outside it to keep shopping elsewhere. As a mod consumer, it is your job to find the mods/packs that appeal to you, not to try to change the vision to fit your needs and wants.
That said, any game mechanic that requires me to spend an obscene amount of time or resources making a full assembly line for an item I will use one of is a grind I don't want. One off items should be one off. Disposable items and routine crafting ingredients should need factorization. I'm OK with using the previous tier item as a crafting component when upgrading, but don't make me make 64 tier one widgets to complete a tier 4 widget when I can only use (or ever wanted) one widget.