Lex said:
http://pastebin.com/SjNjVe72
I don't care if you guys don't consider it an apology. I apologized multiple times for my drama queen behaviour in early 2014 and every time I hoped I'd become different. But changing fundamental traits of a person, good or bad, is a huge challenge.
Am I defending Lex?
Changing the fundamental traits of a person is not a huge challenge. It is impossible.
If you could do it, you would be a different person.
If you think it is possible for a person to do anything, make any choices, behave in any way; that it is in some way possible for a person to actually think, and make a choice, on every action, on everything that they say,
and that they actually have a choice to make, then you are saying that said person has no personality, nothing that can be depended on, pointed to, relied on, etc.; nothing to define that person.
For example, I am a vocal person, with lots of opinions, supported by research and reading. And, I make lots of educated guesses. But where my education is lacking, or my knowledge is bad, my guesses will be very wide off the mark.
When I don't know, I don't guess.
If I guess badly, it means that I don't know what I think I know.
And finding out things that I don't know that I don't know is the most important self-improvement tool I have.
Will this trait change? If it did, I would be a different person -- I would no longer be a person committed to learning, sharing what I have learned, and improving my ability to learn and share.
I don't fault Lex for being a Drama Queen, or a self-declared mule-analogy. I only fault him to the extent that his behavior gets in the way of his getting his stuff done, combined with an inability to recognize his behavior and apologize/fix/clean it up afterwards.
In other worlds, Lex is a Karkat. Not "good", not "bad", just "what is". Water is wet, sky is not walkable, Lex is Karkat.
Karkat learned to be both a great leader, and a great supporter.
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Is it the case that normal human behavior is to react to what happens? Yes.
Is it the case that most humans can train themselves (or be trained) to break that "input/reaction" behavior, and instead have "input/stop; pause, think; choose an action" behavior? Sure. I'd say that at least 80% of the people can do this at least 80% of the time.
But in that is "choose an action". How much choice does a person actually have, and how much is already determined by culture, environment, upbringing, genetics, etc.?
What I've read, from people that have done the research, is that your choice is less than 5%, may be 2% at best, and may be zero in far more cases than people want to admit.