Butler!

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An issue with Mad magazine, sir, is that there aren't any nearby and I'm too lazy to go buy one.

Butler, get some money so you can buy things for me!
 
Life, the universe, and everything +1, sir.

Butler, get me a copy of The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy so I can actually read it!
 
Sir, I have stolen the Library for you. Not a library, The library. With every book in the universe and millions of vashta nerada.

Butler, get me one of those mythical ostriches.
 
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Sir, I have used the Master Recovery Centre to create a Mystical Ostrich.

Butler, resurrect all the famous classical composers so they can compose more works.
 
Sir, I cause a zombie apocolypse and all of the composers come out of their graves. I am so good at voodoo magic that I can make their bodies reconstruct sir.

Butler, make me an idle zombie.
 
Sorry sir, but if I were to turn you into a zombie, who would pay me?

Butler, gather all of my bags, we're going on a trip.
 
Sir, I transplanted your tongue into my mouth while you were sleeping, then I licked the horses in the stables. Would you like your tongue back?

Butler, I'm thirsty. Bring me a large drink.
 
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Sir, I have maid you a drink as big as Dgdas's ego. Pretty big.

Butler, tell me the secret of the cookieverse.
 
Sir, it is 42.

Butler, I request of your skills to make me a fancy hat. Once you've maid it, I request to see the hat and the maid, preferably at the same time.
 
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Sir, that sentence confused me way to much to understand what you are wanting.

Butler, please attach a nose to every available space on my face. I smell something fishy coming.
 
Sir, instead of that, I have decided to replace your head with a nose:
giantnosetrauma2.jpg

This is your existence. This is now you. This is your life. It smells funny.

Butler, get me a mahi tuna cut into 1-gigameter cubes.
 
Sir, I am giving a mahi tuna growth hormones, he is growing now, and should be ready in five decades.

Butler, fix that picture of yours for me, I wish to see it.
 
Sir, I turn you into pixels, allowing you to enter the computer and check the picture for yourself!

Butler, make me a group of bridges out of ice which connect to anywhere and can be accessed everywhere.
 
Sir, I made them out of bright pink ice. There are now blood demons traversing the universe and hell has risen to the surface. Unfortunately, we are not well prepared. The herplings are at your door now. I would suggest you grab an axe.

Butler, I'm much too tired. Make the world move for me, so I don't have to walk.
 
Sir, I have moved the world. Unfortunately, you are now floating in space.

Butler, get me better internet.
 
Sir, your internet is now 0.00000000000000000000000000000000000001 bytes per second faster.

Butler, get me some liquid helium, I wish to see it go through glass.
 
Sir, I got you liquid helium through some very strange science-y methods, and I cut a hole in a piece of glass and pour it through.

Butler, make me a sandwich with lobster soul (Haha adventure time references, plus I'm starving so lobster soul sandwiches don't sound to bad)
 
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