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All Becomes Grey [SIGNUP AND OOC THREAD] [ROLEPLAY] [POSSIBLE MATURE CONTENT]

Oh


Sent from an iPod 65, illegally talked about because of partnership. iPod 65 teleports through years like Back to the Past (Sequel to Back to the Future except in 2096).
 
Name: Corbin (last name is unknown)

Age: Unknown, presumed simply by appearance to be in his mid 20s

Magiks: Dark, Shadow

To the few who have seen him in broad daylight, he has bright, straight blonde hair and Crystal blue eyes. Almost exclusively wearing black in a multitude of assortments; long robes, or tight, unrestricting suit, or even a ninja-like outfit. His nose has been broken, but it isn't TOO noticeable. Not that it matters, as you will likely never see him anyway.

He is almost like Batman, if the comparison can be made. He likes to melt into to the shadows, both literally and figuratively. He does not dislike. He hates. He does not like. He loves. There is no such thing as middle ground to him. You are either with him, or against him. If you have the option between run and hide, run. If you can get on his good side (somehow) you have one of the most valuable allies ever. If you get on his bad side, you have one of the most dangerous enemies ever.

Corbin has never had a happy moment in his live. The closest to that he's had is satisfactory. His father was never home, his mother didn't love him, his siblings hated him as a monster, and the town treated him as a freak, as he was the first Dark Magik in the town for centuries. Strange things always happened around him, as if he was cursed. A kid would pick on him, his parents dead in the night, mauled by orcs. His only solace was that his father seemed to love him, even if he wasn't around. Then one day, he just disappeared. He was kidnapped, as there was a trail, and definitely left by humans as any other creature would have no reason to keep him alive. Corbin tried to follow, but he ran unto a pack of orcs. In his fury he did something to the captain, but Corbin doesn't remember what. The orc went crazy, and attacked the town. He set fire to several buildings before several guards took him down. The town linked the fiasco to Corbin and he was tortured even more. He forced himself to learn Shadow Magik to slip away, and two years after the disappearance of his father, Corbin too disappeared. He continues to search for his missing parent, to no avail. But he will find him, by any means necessary.

Equipment: Blades, and lots of them. His favorite seems to be his trusty scythe, which has been at his side since his father disappeared.

Stats (30 total):

Health: 3
Armour: 2
Agility: 4
Strength: 3
Accuracy: 6
Magical skill: 6
Magical defence: 6

Melt away: Can become a shadow, and can quickly travel to a destination, almost as if he teleported. Can also be used as invisibility for various reasons. Lasts two turns. Cooldown for four.

Curse: Can send the target into an insane and uncontrollable frenzy, attacking the nearest person to [the target] Cooldown of two turns.

Exchange: Can exchange any one of his stats for another. e.g. Heath for Agility so Health becomes 4 and Agility becomes 2. Cooldown for three turns

My biggest concern here is that there have already been two other dark/shadow people, and having that be an issue would make me have to completely re-write my character. Also, I'm completely new to roleplay so there's that.
 
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I occasionally enjoy wandering into their roleplays and declaring things like "AND THEN A GIANT DINOSAUR STOMPED YOU INTO THE GROUND, SHOOTING LASERS AT YOUR MUTILATED CORPSE WITH ITS ROBO-DINO-EYES"
 
triggerfinger12 said:
Name: Corbin (last name is unknown)

Age: Unknown, presumed simply by appearance to be in his mid 20s

Magiks: Dark, Shadow

To the few who have seen him in broad daylight, he has bright, straight blonde hair and Crystal blue eyes. Almost exclusively wearing black in a multitude of assortments; long robes, or tight, unrestricting suit, or even a ninja-like outfit. His nose has been broken, but it isn't TOO noticeable. Not that it matters, as you will likely never see him anyway.

He is almost like Batman, if the comparison can be made. He likes to melt into to the shadows, both literally and figuratively. He does not dislike. He hates. He does not like. He loves. There is no such thing as middle ground to him. You are either with him, or against him. If you have the option between run and hide, run. If you can get on his good side (somehow) you have one of the most valuable allies ever. If you get on his bad side, you have one of the most dangerous enemies ever.

Corbin has never had a happy moment in his live. The closest to that he's had is satisfactory. His father was never home, his mother didn't love him, his siblings hated him as a monster, and the town treated him as a freak, as he was the first Dark Magik in the town for centuries. Strange things always happened around him, as if he was cursed. A kid would pick on him, his parents dead in the night, mauled by orcs. His only solace was that his father seemed to love him, even if he wasn't around. Then one day, he just disappeared. He was kidnapped, as there was a trail, and definitely left by humans as any other creature would have no reason to keep him alive. Corbin tried to follow, but he ran unto a pack of orcs. In his fury he cursed the captain, who went crazy, and attacked the town. He set fire to several buildings before several guards took him down. The town linked the fiasco to Corbin and he was tortured even more. He forced himself to learn Shadow Magik to slip away, and two years after the disappearance of his father, Corbin too disappeared. He continues to search for his missing parent, to no avail. But he will find him, by any means necessary.

Equipment: Blades, and lots of them. His favorite seems to be his trusty scythe, which has been at his side since his father disappeared.

Stats (25 total):

Health: 2
Armour: 1
Agility: 3
Strength: 1
Accuracy: 6
Magical skill: 6
Magical defence: 6

Melt away: Can become a shadow, and can quickly travel to a destination, almost as if he teleported. Can also be used as invisibility for various reasons. Lasts two turns. Cooldown for four.

Curse: Can send the target into an insane and uncontrollable frenzy, attacking the nearest person to [the target] Cooldown of two turns.

Exchange: Can exchange any one of his stats for another. e.g. Heath for Agility so Health becomes 4 and Agility becomes 2. Cooldown for three turns

My biggest concern here is that there have already been two other dark/shadow people, and having that be an issue would make me have to completely re-write my character. Also, I'm completely new to roleplay so there's that.
Click to expand...
Ok, since Cheese is busy and won't see this for a bit I thought I'd chime in.

Firstly afaik there are no duel casters - your magik type is something that's fixed. Any attempts to learn an alternative end poorly, for example Chuck tried to learn holy magic to bring his mother back and instead cremated her corpse. His abilities fit the theme of shadow well.

Secondly there are two dark mages already known at this time: Dubhan and Cait (though she dead son). The backstory as a whole is a bit unclear - why is a kid picking on him a sign that he seems to be cursed?

Your personality section is writing cheques that your stats can't back up. Just a heads up, the odds of him dying in one turn are high - his Agility is mediocre and he has no physical defence. Due to how the system works magik skill is only useful if you have skills that use it. At the moment you have no way to directly cause damage realistically.

As for the abilities:
Melt away sounds like it would function as an Ag buff, as there's no real positioning system. Moving away doesn't matter as you can still be targeted by any attack. The stealth side is feasible - you could look at how J did stealth for Syderis in BtNS for inspiration.

Curse again falls foul of positioning, but we met an enemy who had a somewhat similar ability in terms of changing attack targets - so Cheese might help you tweak that one.

Exchange I think looks cool, and offers some interesting stuff. Surely you could think of a better name? :p

So yeah, that's my first impression. If that's your first ever attempt at a CS it's pretty solid, but there are some things that need looking at.
 
As for the cursed part, have you e Dr read the Harry Potter series? When Tom Riddle (Voldemort) is picked up by Dumbledoor he confessed that he can use his magic (unknown to him at the time) to do cruel things to people.

So far what I've taken away is that:

1) He needs to be Shadow
2) Edit Melt Away a bit
3) Probably change defensive stats
4) Add an offensive ability (already have an idea for that)
 
triggerfinger12 said:
As for the cursed part, have you e Dr read the Harry Potter series? When Tom Riddle (Voldemort) is picked up by Dumbledoor he confessed that he can use his magic (unknown to him at the time) to do cruel things to people.

So far what I've taken away is that:

1) He needs to be Shadow
2) Edit Melt Away a bit
3) Probably change defensive stats
4) Add an offensive ability (already have an idea for that)
Click to expand...
Yeah, but this isn't the world of Harry Potter, with all due respect. Being inspired by stuff you find is one thing, trying to make something from another fictional universe canon is not. For example, my current character, Acheron, is heavily inspired by Detlaff from Witcher 3 Blood and Wine, Krieg from Borderlands 2 and to a certain extent Cicero from Skyrim, but he's written in such a way that he's not doing stuff that those characters do that wouldn't be loreful here. (Admittedly I did write the lore for his species but eh :P)

Besides, my issue with the backstory is that it seems a bit unclear in places. This sentence in particular (" A kid would pick on him, his parents dead in the night, mauled by orcs.") doesn't make it clear whether the kid is picking on him because the kid's parents died, whether Corbin's own parents died as a result of this curse, or the one that I think you're actually trying to say which is the kid that picked on him later found his parents dead. It's also not clear whether the 'captain' is ork or human. There's a couple other bits that are inconsistent with stuff that is known too - sure he may have had a hard time for being a dark mage (which may have to change if you switch to pure shadow) but he's far from the only one in the town.
 
Pyure said:
I occasionally enjoy wandering into their roleplays and declaring things like "AND THEN A GIANT DINOSAUR STOMPED YOU INTO THE GROUND, SHOOTING LASERS AT YOUR MUTILATED CORPSE WITH ITS ROBO-DINO-EYES"
Click to expand...
You should do that in the other roleplay, it would spice things up a bit
 
Name: Corbin (last name is unknown)

Age: Unknown, presumed simply by appearance to be in his mid 20s

Magiks: Shadow

To the few who have seen him in broad daylight, he has bright, straight blonde hair and crystal blue eyes. Almost exclusively wearing black in a multitude of assortments; long robes, or tight, unrestricting suit, or even a ninja-like outfit. His nose has been broken, but it isn't TOO noticeable. Not that it matters, as you will likely never see him anyway.

He likes to melt into to the shadows, both literally and figuratively. He does not dislike. He hates. He does not like. He loves. There is no such thing as middle ground to him. You are either with him, or against him. If you have the option between run and hide, run. If you can get on his good side (somehow) you have one of the most valuable allies ever. If you get on his bad side, you have one of the most dangerous enemies ever.

Corbin has never had a happy moment in his live. The closest to that he's had is satisfactory. His father was never home, his mother didn't love him, his siblings hated him as a monster, and the town treated him as a freak, saying that he was a disgrace to the family but he doubted that was the only reason. His only solace was that his father seemed to love him, even if he wasn't around. Then one day, he just disappeared. He was kidnapped, as there was a trail, and definitely left by humans as any other creature would have no reason to keep him alive. Corbin tried to follow, but he ran unto a pack of orcs. In his fury he unleashed Magik he never knew himself to have. Dark Magik, if only a little. It was just a small amount, but it was uncontrolled enough to send the orc captain into an frenzied state, attacking anything. The orc made it to the town, and set fire to several buildings before the town guards finally took him down. The town linked the fiasco tho Corbin and held him captive. Corbin looked for an opportunity to escape, and two years after the disappearance of his father, Corbin too disappeared. He continues to search for his missing parent, to no avail. But he will find him, by any means necessary.

Equipment: Blades, and lots of them. His favorite seems to be his trusty scythe, which has been at his side since his father disappeared.

Stats (25 total):

Health: 2
Armour: 2
Agility: 4
Strength: 2
Accuracy: 5
Magical skill: 6
Magical defence: 4

Melt away: Become invisible, making all other characters unable to manually target the user of the ability for the duration of the ability. This effect is cancelled upon use of any ability or when the user performs a normal attack. Upon being cancelled in this way, the user gains +2 magik skill and strength for the ability just used. Duration of 3 turns. Cooldown of 4 turns.

Devour: Create a monster of shadow, performing three magik attacks distributed randomly between enemies before dissipating. Two turn cooldown.

Consume: Magik attack, shoots a ball of shadow that, after hitting something, sucks up light and life in the immediate area, similar to a black hole. No cooldown.
 
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