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LivingAngryCheese

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Aug 22, 2014
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I wouldn't necessarily say that's true.

However, Tord, I think you do need to spend a bit more time in your posts portraying who your character is. There's a lot about what he says, what he thinks, what he does, but very little about how he does it, why he does it. I don't really have a read on Daniel as a person, compared to the other characters in this. He seems very frenetic, always saying or doing something. Don't be afraid to pace your post out a little more - give Daniel a bit of space to breath and be himself.

This isn't a criticism, it's a suggestion as to something you could do to really help flesh out your character a little.
I think you still understood what I was trying to say by this post. Basically this.
 

RJS

New Member
Jul 29, 2019
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I think you still understood what I was trying to say by this post. Basically this.
I never hold people to exactly what their CS says abut the character - mostly because I often find that when I'm writing an IC as opposed to a CS, the character comes out a little differently, in speech and personality. It's a lot better to let that character flow as feels right than to stick to the CS, so I don't tend to go "Hang on, your character isn't meant to be this!"
 
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LivingAngryCheese

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Aug 22, 2014
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I never hold people to exactly what their CS says abut the character - mostly because I often find that when I'm writing an IC as opposed to a CS, the character comes out a little differently, in speech and personality. It's a lot better to let that character flow as feels right than to stick to the CS, so I don't tend to go "Hang on, your character isn't meant to be this!"
Fair enough. I'm still the n00biest here so I have no idea.
 

GPuzzle

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Jul 29, 2019
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Dedicate yourself a lot more to what your character is thinking, and try to convey the emotions without actually describing them literally.

What's better: "I was sad" or "I was shocked. Stunned by the situation. What had happened before my eyes was awful. As a almost natural reaction, I started crying. Who wouldn't. It was melancholic enough without this happening. But now..."?
 
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the_j485

King of the Wicked
Dec 19, 2012
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Look behind you
Dedicate yourself a lot more to what your character is thinking, and try to convey the emotions without actually describing them literally.

What's better: "I was sad" or "I was shocked. Stunned by the situation. What had happened before my eyes was awful. As a almost natural reaction, I started crying. Who wouldn't. It was melancholic enough without this happening. But now..."?
Uh...duh...the...uh...the firs tone? Right?
 
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the_j485

King of the Wicked
Dec 19, 2012
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Look behind you
RJS has achieved the achievement curbstomped, for one-shotting a human or vampire (In this case, a vampire)

For this, he finds nearby a strange, cylindrical object. Upon further inspection, he finds that it has a switch on its side, and has an energy cell loaded in it, only partially charged. The clever lad nearly stabbed himself in the eye, earning him a few singed hairs. The sod found a lightsaber.
The lightsaber has about a minute of charge, half an energy cell's worth of power, but is extremely damaging. GG!
 
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LivingAngryCheese

Over-Achiever
Aug 22, 2014
676
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RJS has achieved the achievement curbstomped, for one-shotting a human or vampire (In this case, a vampire)

For this, he finds nearby a strange, cylindrical object. Upon further inspection, he finds that it has a switch on its side, and has an energy cell loaded in it, only partially charged. The clever lad nearly stabbed himself in the eye, earning him a few singed hairs. The sod found a lightsaber.
The lightsaber has about a minute of charge, half an energy cell's worth of power, but is extremely damaging. GG!
Unclip the cell and put it in the laser rifle.
 

the_j485

King of the Wicked
Dec 19, 2012
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Look behind you
Unless he manages to get power to the grills, Jakob won't find any way to cook food. Why would that be in a McDonalds? Go search an outdoor shop or something for a stove.
 

LivingAngryCheese

Over-Achiever
Aug 22, 2014
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Unless he manages to get power to the grills, Jakob won't find any way to cook food. Why would that be in a McDonalds? Go search an outdoor shop or something for a stove.
I'm trying to show that Jakob didn't used to go to McDonalds.

Also, you said that some guy made a really inefficient lightsaber just before the gates opened.