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I use the army to conquer the "hill" from that forum game.
I give the hill to the person B-low


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I take the hill, and blow it to shit. With 5 nukes, because that hill's been through so much shit it's pretty much just like highlanders piled on top of one another. Shielded in titanium.

Here, have a... crater...
 
I take the crater and bury the seer i accidentally, single handedly killed in werewolf. In his posession was a book on dankey kang. I give to the next.

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I take the book on 'Dankey Kang', and trade it in for a book on 'Mwinekwaft'.

I give the book on 'Mwinekwaft' to the person below me.
 
I use the book on "Mwinekwaft" to buy an emerald from a villager, then make a staff of travelling.

I teleport next to the person below me and toss the staff at them.
 
The staff hits me, and I get a lump on my head.

I cut it off, and give it to the next person. Yes, I gave you a large, blood-filled lump of damaged skin, deal with it.
 
After an experiment gone wrong with the lump, it turned into a bacteria filled blob.
I didn't know what to do so I left and let the person below me deal with it.
 
I dutifully clean it up, but I get sick by the time I finish. I die moments later.

I conveniently die on top of the person below me.
 
I use your corpse to feed some nearby wolves and tame them in the process. I then toss what is left of you at the person below me, sending the wolves to them.
 
I organized you a funeral, in which all town showed up. But, surprise surprise, I also set up a bomb in your coffin.
I give all of your friends and family corpses to the person below me.

EDIT: Ninja'd.

I masterfully control the wolves to attack a nearby castle, which contained unimaginable amounts of loot. One of them being a massive block of gold.
I give the block of gold to the person below me.
 
I take the block of gold and sell it and use the money to buy a life time supply of potatoes

I give the potatoes to the person below me.
 
I take the chips, turn them into potatoes, then turn the potatoes into batteries to power my time machine.
I give the person below me a fully powered self-sustaining time machine.
 
I take the time machine, i go back in time, and get a raptor egg.

Next gets the egg.

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I take the widdle widdle cute baby raptot (i see what you did there), and raise it into maturity.

I die, and the person below me inherits the fully-grown, peaceful, nurtured Raptot.
 
I rename the raptot to a raptor, because it's now fully grown.

I then realise by raptor I meant bird of prey. Turns out Elian only went about five days into the past...
 
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