Not really something SOMEONE said as much as it's a made-up quote:
Welcome, valued citizen! If you are reading this letter, it means that you did not die while coming through our patented Tele-porter! (Patent Pending) It's all the fun of Porter Wagoner, in a television! I would suggest you buy one, but you seem to be a little broke. But don't worry! I'm sure you can come back when you're a little mmmmm richer! How do you do that? Why it's easy! All you have to do is work your blood, sweat and various other bodily fluids into every waking moment of your soon-to-be dull and dreary life! Once you do that and prove yourself as a somewhat decent being, you'll be finally on your way to not living in an alleyway! But before we can embark on this wonderful journey, we must first sign up for a job as a laborer. I'm uploading the coordinates of the sign-up room to your Quest Book as we speak... er, maybe text would be a better verb...