I agree on all points, and most definitely, stability should trump features. My first big confidence-crushing encounter with mods that I "couldn't live without" was RedPower 2. I couldn't imagine playing without it, and resisted for ages doing an upgrade until Eloraam put out her updates.
That was a mistake I don't plan on ever doing again. There is no mod I can't live without, though some would surely be missed. I would hate to lose NEI for example, but if I had to, I could switch to an alternative. I've recently stopped playing with Tinker's Construct if for no other reason than all my worlds started to look the same. I'd ALWAYS have TC all over the place, usually with Tinker's Tweaks installed right along with it. Playing without it has been refreshing for me.
Likewise, I've on-and-off experimented with completely removing Thermal Expansion (and Minefactory, and Nether Ores, and so on) for much the same reasons, but whereas Tinker's still hasn't made it back into my playlist, Thermal Expansion is back in.
I almost completely walked away from MineFactory Reloaded when Skyboy added those cursed mega-sacred-rubber-tree-trololololol-mother-ship things. Fortunately he was decent enough to provide a config to banish them from my game, so I'm okay with it again.
I'd really like to see Reika's mods featured in a meaningful way in a current pack, but I understand why that can be a challenge. The API mismatch with other mods is getting a bit old for me too. I thought it was fairly well isolated into DragonAPI, but that doesn't seem to be getting updated any faster than any other portion of his code either. He has his reasons though, and I'm cool with that. It'll just make it harder to include his work into projects.
I'm seeing a lot of great new ideas coming out in new mods these days, so maybe as some of the old guard throw in the towel and move on to other things, some of the next generation of talented people will pick up the slack and fill in those gaps.
@McJty is doing some admirable work with his RFTools mod, even though I'm still struggling with getting the dimension builder to work the way I think it's supposed to.
Another new (to me) mod I recently tried was Compact Machines, which was REALLY NEAT! I managed to build an entire AE2 subsystem inside a block...
...then I tried to move the block...
...pieces went flyine everywhere...
Ok, so maybe that mod needs a warning label, but it was still darn cool.
Personally, I need to brush up more on getting the multiplayer aspects of modding under my belt. My stuff generally works great in single-player, but I tend to forget something somewhere and I end up getting out of sync with the server. Not a good thing for a mod to do.
I'll keep at it though, because I enjoy the process.
Who knows, maybe I'll figure out a way to craft a CustomNPCs spawn egg of a pre-made NPC if
@Noppes doesn't implement it first.
Edit: Obligatory post-post grammar checking...