Three chapters down! Only
mumble mumble to go.
Contrary to popular belief, both sadness and death were common occurrences in the kingdom of Sadnessdeath. Crazy, right? The people had grown accustomed to it after a while; What's one more corpse in the neighborhood? Coincidentally, Sadnessdeath gravediggers were among the richest in the kingdom, leading to a mouthful of smug promotional remarks like
"Perfect for that special someone!" and "
No refunds!" from their marketing department. I'd delve into the shortcomings of Sadnessdeath marketing, too, but there's a lot to cover tonight. Sorry. Tomorrow! Maybe. Probably? Meh. Does anyone read these? The jerks just skip to the end. If you're reading this, laugh quietly at those other guys. You're not like them. You're special. I should wrap this up. Yes, Sadnessdeath marketing was truly a wonder. A sight to behold! More marvelous than anything anyone had ever imagined previously. Their clever ad campaigns were suddenly derailed, though, when
trajing rose up from the ground in a blaze of glory. And mud. Mostly mud, actually.
The citizens marveled. Wow! That was probably the most unlikely thing they'd see all day. The sudden thunderstorm over the town was ominous, but it was probably nothing to worry about. Once the revival's fire and glory died down, they reali-
CRACK! Crack? Crack! They found
LivingAngryCheese doing mad crack in the middle of the thunderstorm. Not normal crack, either- This was that new-fangled Zapcrack. It conducted electricity, obviously. For that extra zing. Yep. Totally. The well-timed thunderstorm took advantage of the situation by conducting itself through Cheese's whole body, killing every part of him until nothing was left. On closer inspection (by the toddler, of course, since the rest were idiots), the now-dead Cheese was revealed to be a
Star Trek villain Mongol warlord giant frikkin' tiger named
Khan. You'd think they would've realized sooner.
The town had some difficulty targeting a Lynch today. Who would it be? My money was on that guy in the corner who can't spell his own name right. Edward? That's the one. In a crazy twist of events, though, someone ripped a hand puppet off of someone else's hand and threw it to the toddler. Toddler, in his rage, beat that thing to a pulp. He named the ripped bits of cloth
Dinkatron4000 before scattering them to the wind.
Retreating to his house for the night,
Lethosos decided he was missing something. Something he'd had every night so far. Death? No, that had happened already. Misguided voting? Wait, no, they'd had that in droves. Maybe... Aha! That had to be it. Leth ran back to the square, gathering everyone he could along the way for an important announcement. When he got there, he stopped. He turned. Dramatically. What could it be? Slowly, ever so slowly, he opened his mouth. What wisdom would pour from his lips? He drew a deep breath. Oh man, the suspense! Had he figured it out? The wolves? World hunger? The meaning of life itself? Leth shattered the silence with a single word.
"
BONFIRE!"
Gatsby was stampeded by the resulting mob.
Chapter Three Summary
- LivingAngryCheese was smited for not voting. Twice. All the shame. He was Khan.
- Dinkatron4000 was lynched, may he rest in peace. He was a Doppelganger.
- Lethosos was killed by Antagonists. He was the Great Gatsby himself.
- trajing has been resurrected. Woop woop.
Begin Chapter Four