The Constant Struggle Against the Spam Bots

[ApSciLiara]

Day whatthefuckever, this fucking watch is USELESS IT DOESN'T TELL ME THE FUCKING TIME.
[TRANSMISSION BEGIN]
God dammit you people it's boring as fuck up here and you're all off fixing time and there are spambots everywhere but your damn bunker and still, nobody's found a single sign of the fact that my girlfriend is still alive.
Or that she even exists any more.
And none of y'all can hear this because you're all back in fucking 14-when the fuck ever.
Hey wait. What's up with Mars all of a sudden? It's just come into scanning range and... maybe they're Prothean ruins. Oh, that would be epic.
[TRANSMISSION END]
[PRIVATE TRANSMISSION BEGIN, DESTINATION: MARS]
Hey. Hey. You on Mars. Are you talkative or am I gonna have to find somebody else to talk to?
[PRIVATE TRANSMISSION END]

 

[Bellaabzug21]

Day whatthefuckever, this fucking watch is USELESS IT DOESN'T TELL ME THE FUCKING TIME.
[TRANSMISSION BEGIN]
God dammit you people it's boring as fuck up here and you're all off fixing time and there are spambots everywhere but your damn bunker and still, nobody's found a single sign of the fact that my girlfriend is still alive.
Or that she even exists any more.
And none of y'all can hear this because you're all back in fucking 14-when the fuck ever.
Hey wait. What's up with Mars all of a sudden? It's just come into scanning range and... maybe they're Prothean ruins. Oh, that would be epic.
[TRANSMISSION END]
[PRIVATE TRANSMISSION BEGIN, DESTINATION: MARS]
Hey. Hey. You on Mars. Are you talkative or am I gonna have to find somebody else to talk to?
[PRIVATE TRANSMISSION END]

Please tell me you don't mean those things from Prometheus... and by "Girlfriend" you mean who exactly?[DOUBLEPOST=1373433726][/DOUBLEPOST]

OOC: That's why he's grounded. I'll give you short version of his background as to why he's that way. If existence is a tree, then the Greater Self is a vine. Rymmie was a little boy who was able to imagine impossible things. By default, nothing within a system can see beyond that system. It's just not possible which is why the method of ressurection has been the ultimate goal of True Immortals. The True Immortal who experimented on humans found it, but he couldn't make it work reliably and only incredibly perfect specimens. The Greater Self found the only being in existence who could comprehend it. It entered into an agreement with existence that it would act as a barrier between existence and Threats from the outside. In effect, it became the Lone Oak's immune system. It used Rymmie's comprehension of the impossible as its door into existence. Rymmie cannot die because he is connected to something that has never had any part of the Cycle. He can find the weakness of an illness, or Threat as he calls them, and erase it from existence in a method similar to an immune response. The Imperial Navy is part of this response, but the Emperor himself can simply delete entire sections of the structure of existence in a similar process to surgery. So, we'll switch to a different character who has nothing but his wits and his automated Martian factory. He doesn't even have full control of it since he's working with non-human systems.

Ok, wall of text over. His Majesty is gone, and we pick up with the overconfident, sometimes to a fault, Joshua Ian Benford.

IC:

From the Marianis' Flight Log:

Well, crap. I was gone for six f-u-shut-my-mouth months. For the love of God, how did you all break the Earth? Come on. Sigh. Literally, freaking sigh.

And why in the hell am I getting constant calls from Nigerian princes? I tried to find some news and suddenly every freaking minute I get a new message about my penis size. Hey, Athena, am I deficient in my nether regions? Hehe, that's what my grandma calls them. No, really though. The hell is up with this?

You guys need some help. Oh, hell. Is that time rippling again? God damn it all to hell in a basket. Oh, yeah. Mixed metaphors for the epic win. Sweet zombie Jesus. Athena, can you sift through all this crap and give me a rundown of the pertinent facts? If you do I'll love you forever. Well, I was planning on it anyways, but can you? Awesomesauce.

That's cool. More experiments on us. It's not like the Creator ruined us enough. Sigh again. I see the Beast was here. Can't that guy stay away for five damn minutes? Oh, look more aliens trying to "help" us. Newsflash, morons, the Star Gauntlet isn't here anymore. Speaking of, Alex might be able to help. Nevermind, the Bazaar is still closed to inter-Realm traffic. I guess we're on our own this time, Athena. Fire up the coffee maker, beautiful. It's going to be a long ass night.

So you're using a different character now, or what?

 

[ApSciLiara]

Please tell me you don't mean those things from Prometheus... and by "Girlfriend" you mean who exactly?

Mass Effect >.<
And by "girlfriend" I mean romantic interest for my character who has remained offscreen because my character has no idea where the hell she is.
(hint: she's actually dead and when spambot-'verse!me finds out she'll be incredibly distraught)
But I digress.

 

[Bellaabzug21]

Mass Effect >.<
And by "girlfriend" I mean romantic interest for my character who has remained offscreen because my character has no idea where the hell she is.
(hint: she's actually dead and when spambot-'verse!me finds out she'll be incredibly distraught)
But I digress.

OOC: She's not actually dead. She's vacationing in past Canada which is now ruled by twitter! Oh Twittering! Oh Twittering!

 

[ApSciLiara]

OOC: She's not actually dead. She's vacationing in past Canada which is now ruled by twitter! Oh Twittering! Oh Twittering!

hiss.

 

[ApSciLiara]

...
Liara will do for my name.
As for everything else... well... I'm not quite...
You'll probably need to come and mop up the pile of melted brain dripping from my ear, because I perfectly understood the words on their own, but when I tried to put them together into sentences, it made no fucking sense in the slightest. Then again, I'm just easily confused so. Y'know. Don't mind me. You should probably be talking to somebody else if you want anything more than half-formed thoughts for one of the most brilliant and yet simultaneously one of the most useless people within 300,000 kilometres of Earth. But if you're okay with casual chat then that's fine.

 

[techno156]

OOC: Since my text travelled to the void, I shall write these facts about my character in this story:

• My character has no beginning. It just was. Also a technicial 'alien'
• Char is made more or less of nanobots.
• Can't fight too well, but does manage at need, if barely.
• My character doesn't care about its body very much (for obvious reasons)

Day 101 2000 (Orbit, DSec 2)
This station is under attack. Thankfully, shoring up the defences was a good idea, even if it was not from quite the same enemy that I had prepared defences for... Liara is honing her skills against analogues and models. She is progressing well enough. A curious thing, though... Has she realised that it helps if the watch is turned on before trying to read the time? Well, there comes a time for everything, even the downfall of the most indestructible. I, myself will fade away eventually, but it is too much for any creature to know the circumstances of their death.

 

[whizzball1]

I think this proves our point -_- I'm afraid that you both have become Mary Sues... Too many pluses with too little negatives. Adding some downsides to your awesome power should balance it out. But one does not simply just cut a "True Threat" in half and exile it to the abyss. It is badass, i'm not gonna lie. But it is extremely over powered.

I don't use my powers on Earth.
I just use Conduit powers.
Simple as that.
My actual powers won't look so OP in the Imperial Universe, probably because I still will refuse to use them to full extent.
I don't want to ruin the story by going all OP mode on everything.

 

[whizzball1]

Oh, BTW Rymmie, we can still continue conversations in the Imperial Empire.
Just none of that OPness down on Earth, please.
I really did want to see what you would say about my little escapade at the mall.
But in the meanwhile, time to organise the second trip back in time!
And BTW, that thing about the Emperor and his indifference to humans:
Is saving the Multiverse from utter collapse significant enough?
Because that's basically what everyone down here is in the process of doing.

 

[rymmie1981]

Oh, BTW Rymmie, we can still continue conversations in the Imperial Empire.
Just none of that OPness down on Earth, please.
I really did want to see what you would say about my little escapade at the mall.
But in the meanwhile, time to organise the second trip back in time!
And BTW, that thing about the Emperor and his indifference to humans:
Is saving the Multiverse from utter collapse significant enough?
Because that's basically what everyone down here is in the process of doing.

Ok, if someone had ever been stupid enough to try that little stunt in the Emperor's house, he would have violently pulled them through the fabric of spacetime to an undisclosed location. He would then lock that person into their position by stopping the flow of time in the area the size of a small universe except for the small portion around the two of them. He would open a small portal to the "outside" of existence and give that person a glimpse of the Greater Self. Only two people other than the Emperor have seen it and survived with their sanity. If the person was lucky, their mind would just give up, and they would die. The shock of seeing something that is outside the realm of possibility does that to people. It has at least three times thrown a True Immortal back into their Cycle and outright killed them. Those who survive spend the rest of their lives in the agony of their mind turning back in on itself in an attempt to comprehend something that is every definition of the word incomprehensible.

Let's assume that you're something he's never seen before. You somehow manage to escape without dying or succumbing to insanity. You are still inside the Lone Oak. The Greater Self only has the concept of "where" through the mind of the Emperor. The only possible escape is to get "outside" and leave the Lone Oak entirely. Those are your options when the Emperor drops pretense: death, insanity, and exiting the very concept of existence. He cannot be killed because the Greater Self is in a symbiotic relationship with existence. If you want the Emperor to die, you have to kill the Greater Self. If you want to kill the Greater Self, you have to undo existence.

Let's make another assumption. You manage to become a Threat and start destroying parts of existence. The priority list for dealing with Threats is as follows: First, negotiation. Second, single combat. Third, the Imperial Navy. Fourth, minor surgery, like plucking a leaf from the tree. Fifth, major surgery, like cutting off a branch. Sixth, death and replanting. The Emperor has a seed hidden somewhere out there. He can wrap the Greater Self around it and take it elsewhere to be planted and a new tree grown. He also has methods for cleaning and bandaging wounds in existence once a Threat has been dealt with. He evens holds the key to a fire large enough and strong enough to cauterize a wound the size of a universe.

Your little stunt in the mall would only serve to bring out worlds of pain and agony so complete you would wish that there had never been an existence for you to live in the first place.

Yes, the Emperor does need that much power. In the Battle of the Clockworks, Benford fought representing the mortals of existence. Alex fought representing the Immortals. The Emperor fought representing existence itself. Without one, the others would have fallen.

Now, can we get back to the cool spambot story we were doing?

 

[whizzball1]

Why would I do that in the Emperor's House?
I could. He would do absolutely nothing.
Like I said, he could have done anything to stop me from all my time travelling, but he seems to do absolutely nothing.
Why would I want to kill the Emperor?
I would just leave that spot quick as a wink and go on with my life.
I'm something you've never seen before.
And just as the Emperor wouldn't stop my Time Travelling, he wouldn't try and stop me escaping from wherever he tried to put me.
So let's just get on with the story, eh?
[BEGIN TRANSMISSION]
12/04/0001 S.A. (Day 102)
8:00
My Timestream Conduit is now in the process of sifting through time to find more Great Breaks.
We need to find the larger Break within a year, or the entire Multiverse could implode upon itself.
13:00
So he's found another Break blocking his sight to the Greatest Break (Yup, I figured out a name for that).
In this Break, Columbus never even made it to America because of a mutiny on ship by his First and Second Mate.
We need to stow on board, uncover the plan, and reveal it to Columbus before it happens.
So now to organise who will go.
Jess did well last time, but he said he doesn't want to come again.
I will be coming, GPuzzle and Bella will be coming.
Any Requests?
Conduit Leader, Conduit Bunker Beta[DOUBLEPOST=1373471206][/DOUBLEPOST]I applaud your extremely thorough backstories!

 

[Technician]

Okay, so I like read this from the start then do I just jump in or what?

 

[whizzball1]

Okay, so I like read this from the start then do I just jump in or what?

Just skim through and give yourself a pretty good understanding of what's happened so far.
I'll try my best to explain this.
We all started off in our own places.
Exedra built a BRIDGE.
We all moved to my Bunker.
We activated the BRIDGE, went back in time, and killed the scientist who made the spambots.
Jess went back further, made a clone of the scientist, and it turned out to be the clone that we killed.
But in doing that, Jess created holes in time, otherwise known as Great Breaks.
So we have to go back in time and fix them.
In the meanwhile, Rymmie and I started going around with the Multiverse and the Imperial Army and such and such.
If we don't fix the Greatest Break within a year, the entire Multiverse implodes.
Skim a little more to find out what this is all about and you'll be all set!

 

[GPuzzle]

OOC: Don't jump in if you're going to be a Marty Stu.
Otherwise, it's fine.
But I'm taking this thread as an example of what NOT to do in the No Topic Thread Zombie Survival with Ships N' Stuff.

 

[Technician]

Day 1: Hour approx. 6:46 Terra Time

Insofar as I can see, I was placed in some sort of time stasis. Location currently unknown, all attempts to contact Techno has failed, and therefore I beam this message to all sentient beings. I don't know where I am.

This is Technician of the Seventh OmegaPoD (Pocket Dimension.) Send help.

Message ends.

 

[Jess887cp]

OOC: Wise words from GPuzzle.
I'm too confused to continue posting, so I'll kill off my character and jump in again from another timeline when I feel like rejoining the thread.

 

[whizzball1]

I told you!
I'm not OP!
I'm not doing anything superpower-like to move on the story.
In fact, all I'm doing is programming the Infinity Ring and coming up with plans.

 

[Technician]

OOC: I wish this was more RP like "Technician moves forward slowly and smiles." then "Whiz murders the Emperor and blows up that whole universe." etc..

Can you tell me how the Conduit thing works?

 

[GPuzzle]

OOC: This was supposed to be a Fallout-style survival thing, not this thing that is a multidimensional-time-travelling-saga.

 

[whizzball1]

OOC: This was supposed to be a Fallout-style survival thing, not this thing that is a multidimensional-time-travelling-saga.

Time Travelling is Jess and Exedra's fault.
Multidimensional is Rymmie's fault.
Blame them.[DOUBLEPOST=1373483355][/DOUBLEPOST]

OOC: I wish this was more RP like "Technician moves forward slowly and smiles." then "Whiz murders the Emperor and blows up that whole universe." etc..

Can you tell me how the Conduit thing works?

Ray Sphere gathers Energy from nearby humans and kills them in the process, then transfers the energy to the person holding the Ray Sphere to give the person a power.
But I came up with a way to do it using just plants.
So that's that.
I also told everyone that they could come and be augmented if they like (augmentation is the act of turning someone into a Conduit).