For the record, only Deomi escapes. I think she is now (thanks to a mysterious force you can guess(and I'm not saying what it is(for now))) "strong" enough not to be affected.
Also, edited versions (no more Mark, now it's THOMAS) are coming!
School For RolePlay
- Thread starter Bellaabzug21
- Start date
For the record, only Deomi escapes. I think she is now (thanks to a mysterious force you can guess(and I'm not saying what it is(for now))) "strong" enough not to be affected.
Also, edited versions (no more Mark, now it's THOMAS) are coming!
Outside, Byrne watched as they inexorably drew closer. Unit, by unit, Byrne watched as they landed. They started to eat away at the satellite as they did so. Within minutes, the army had grown in number, and continued their destruction. Byrne jumped inside, his mind having been made up a while ago, and picked up an old blowtorch. The gas had long since been used up, but its comprising materials were still good, if rusted. Byrne put the blowtorch into a Clifford Torus he carried with him. He was going to break everyone out. Even if it meant that most of this institution would be a smoking crater. Without killing them, of course. That would be counterintuitive.
Inside, Byrne prepared to break into the storage units. Slowly concentrating into a somewhat old laptop he had made several centuries ago, he started to work. The laptop was still millennia ahead of the technology that was used in the bunker, though Byrne wouldn't have minded sharing the process so long as they built it by hand. It was quite impossible to automate the process. As the laptop came to life, several symbols flickered on top of it, before fading away, to become part of the décor. As it was turning on, Byrne started wiring it into the wall, as well as the power. In a worst-case scenario, the laptop could technically provide enough power to run the building indefinitely.
Downstairs, the fusion reactor creaked to life. As its internal mechanisms engaged, it started to generate enormous amounts of power, warming up. It was not long before the original wires melted, and burst into flame. That should have happened, had there not been superconducting arrays scattered all over the building, swapping the power from superconductors to normal output. Except there was no such array in the central powerline. After plugging everything in, Byrne sat back, as the energy shuddered up the cable, flooding into the energy reserves of both him and his computer.
Now that the computer was running at full speed, Byrne logged in and start running scans of everything. The planet, all the rooms, and the occupants. Once everything had been scanned, and the data safely tucked away in the laptop, Byrne got to work. First, he had the centre send out a recall signal to all personnel outside of the institution, and turned on the forcefield. It shimmered into being as a pale, glowing veil, before becoming more substantial. Byrne then got to work with the rescue operation, after rewiring the entire server database of the building. No-one would have noticed a difference, as the laptop was handling all the work, but checking the server for any extra data it needed. Byrne did notice a DDoS attempt, but that very quickly collapsed when all the network data was temporarily routed to that computer. After rewiring the databanks, Byrne stepped back and checked his handiwork. So far so good. He handed the control of everything back to the Databanks, and let them pick up the pace. They would have slightly slower processing capabilities than his laptop, but they would handle anything that the Institution could throw at them.
Byrne made himself an identity card, registered it at the databanks, before patting them and going on his way. He came to an unmanned checkpoint first. After scanning his new identity card, and putting it away, the doors opened to the lowest-security containment areas. Byrne wrote something on the locks, and continued. What came next was a little more difficult. It involved a manned security station, an explosion, and some knocked-out guards. Byrne made it look like they had fallen asleep, opened the door, and continued. He came to a top outside a glass box that had no door. Byrne could feel people attempting to get into his mind, but he pushed back, nudging whatever it was into the general direction of the guards. The presence left, and appeared to head towards the guards. Byrne then started to write on the glass box with his finger. As he wrote, lines appeared, then faded away, as if they never were. He did the same to the other boxes in this room, and walked into another room. In this room, everything was put away in pocket dimensions, so Byrne stopped at each cell and wrote on the air. By the time he had opened the final door, there was a large group of unconscious guards just beside the gate. He had pulled some energy from the field that surrounded the door, giving it a few metal shards in return, and opened it. This level was, by far, one of the queerest-seeming ones. It appeared to be a room for experiments, but was mostly devoid of personnel, so was most likely unused at the time. There was a very recent bloodstain on the floor, so Byrne left it be, but he did continue scribing on all the doors, the text vanishing soon after. Byrne then walked all the way back to the server room, and started working on things.
OOC: You did not see anything.
What purpose the writing servers will be revealed soon... but not now.
Inside, Byrne prepared to break into the storage units. Slowly concentrating into a somewhat old laptop he had made several centuries ago, he started to work. The laptop was still millennia ahead of the technology that was used in the bunker, though Byrne wouldn't have minded sharing the process so long as they built it by hand. It was quite impossible to automate the process. As the laptop came to life, several symbols flickered on top of it, before fading away, to become part of the décor. As it was turning on, Byrne started wiring it into the wall, as well as the power. In a worst-case scenario, the laptop could technically provide enough power to run the building indefinitely.
Downstairs, the fusion reactor creaked to life. As its internal mechanisms engaged, it started to generate enormous amounts of power, warming up. It was not long before the original wires melted, and burst into flame. That should have happened, had there not been superconducting arrays scattered all over the building, swapping the power from superconductors to normal output. Except there was no such array in the central powerline. After plugging everything in, Byrne sat back, as the energy shuddered up the cable, flooding into the energy reserves of both him and his computer.
Now that the computer was running at full speed, Byrne logged in and start running scans of everything. The planet, all the rooms, and the occupants. Once everything had been scanned, and the data safely tucked away in the laptop, Byrne got to work. First, he had the centre send out a recall signal to all personnel outside of the institution, and turned on the forcefield. It shimmered into being as a pale, glowing veil, before becoming more substantial. Byrne then got to work with the rescue operation, after rewiring the entire server database of the building. No-one would have noticed a difference, as the laptop was handling all the work, but checking the server for any extra data it needed. Byrne did notice a DDoS attempt, but that very quickly collapsed when all the network data was temporarily routed to that computer. After rewiring the databanks, Byrne stepped back and checked his handiwork. So far so good. He handed the control of everything back to the Databanks, and let them pick up the pace. They would have slightly slower processing capabilities than his laptop, but they would handle anything that the Institution could throw at them.
Byrne made himself an identity card, registered it at the databanks, before patting them and going on his way. He came to an unmanned checkpoint first. After scanning his new identity card, and putting it away, the doors opened to the lowest-security containment areas. Byrne wrote something on the locks, and continued. What came next was a little more difficult. It involved a manned security station, an explosion, and some knocked-out guards. Byrne made it look like they had fallen asleep, opened the door, and continued. He came to a top outside a glass box that had no door. Byrne could feel people attempting to get into his mind, but he pushed back, nudging whatever it was into the general direction of the guards. The presence left, and appeared to head towards the guards. Byrne then started to write on the glass box with his finger. As he wrote, lines appeared, then faded away, as if they never were. He did the same to the other boxes in this room, and walked into another room. In this room, everything was put away in pocket dimensions, so Byrne stopped at each cell and wrote on the air. By the time he had opened the final door, there was a large group of unconscious guards just beside the gate. He had pulled some energy from the field that surrounded the door, giving it a few metal shards in return, and opened it. This level was, by far, one of the queerest-seeming ones. It appeared to be a room for experiments, but was mostly devoid of personnel, so was most likely unused at the time. There was a very recent bloodstain on the floor, so Byrne left it be, but he did continue scribing on all the doors, the text vanishing soon after. Byrne then walked all the way back to the server room, and started working on things.
OOC: You did not see anything.
What purpose the writing servers will be revealed soon... but not now. Mark stands forward. He looked at Thomas who was apparently infatuated with Deomi. She was attractive but Mark was one for personality. But you know what Socrates said about wives. Yes, women.
He turned around and walked to a somewhat near holding unit. After seeing a great deal of rather.. scary critters.. He finally found som- That Will chap? Oh bugger.
"Hey, it's the son of a Greecian god! Have you met Socrates or Plato?"
He turned around and walked to a somewhat near holding unit. After seeing a great deal of rather.. scary critters.. He finally found som- That Will chap? Oh bugger.
"Hey, it's the son of a Greecian god! Have you met Socrates or Plato?"
Allrightee then, plot developments.
{Plot Developments}
Can do. For the record all your character has is super strength, which isn't all that much to work with. As you can see from your experiment.
{Experiment 392820}
{Plot Developments}
Marshall walked around the corridors of the institution, searching for a way out. That that he was trapped between time and space he had a rare opportunity to escape. True the Institution had been nice to him so far, but there was that one experiment where they knocked him on the head. He hadn't really enjoyed that very much. Getting hit on the head by that gigantic guy had left a bruise on his head for days.
Eventually he came to a door at the end of the hallway labeled "106. Do not enter the chamber whilst in possession of any metals." That didn't sound all that good to Marshal, however it may have been the Institution's way of disguising their exit. So he attempted to turn the handle. Locked. Marshall cursed in rage. He began pacing, thinking of a way to get out of this situation. He eventually came to the conclusion that he could use his ability and possibly see himself finding a solution.
Marshal closed his eyes and concentrated on the future. It took a while, but eventually he saw the familiar light that came before a vision. It grew larger and larger until he saw himself walking through the door as if it were butter. The vision cut off there. His thirty seconds were up.
"That didn't make sense, I don't have that power, I only see the future not walk through walls." He thought. Nevertheless, he had to try. "Maybe due to my unstable state whilst being between time and space, I temporarily have new powers."
So he took a deep breath, stepped forward, and walked though the door. The room was empty aside from a humanoid figure standing in the corner. The figure turned around, revealing himself to be nothing more than an old man. "I remember you. You were there at the beginning." He said as he began to walk towards Marshall. Marshall tried to pass through the door again, but found himself unable to. "You won't be able to do that again, you were only able to do it because I allowed you to do it. You're in my realm now." Said the old man ominously. The old man reached out, and with one wrinkly hand touched him with his finger.
Suddenly the alarms went off and a swarm of men in full body armor rushed in to pull Marshall out of the room. One of the men, who Marshall guessed was the commanding officer, spoke into a radio "Anomaly 2987retrieved successfully. Standing by for transfer orders.". They injected something into his neck and Marshall blacked out. When he came to, he was back in his cell again.
Eventually he came to a door at the end of the hallway labeled "106. Do not enter the chamber whilst in possession of any metals." That didn't sound all that good to Marshal, however it may have been the Institution's way of disguising their exit. So he attempted to turn the handle. Locked. Marshall cursed in rage. He began pacing, thinking of a way to get out of this situation. He eventually came to the conclusion that he could use his ability and possibly see himself finding a solution.
Marshal closed his eyes and concentrated on the future. It took a while, but eventually he saw the familiar light that came before a vision. It grew larger and larger until he saw himself walking through the door as if it were butter. The vision cut off there. His thirty seconds were up.
"That didn't make sense, I don't have that power, I only see the future not walk through walls." He thought. Nevertheless, he had to try. "Maybe due to my unstable state whilst being between time and space, I temporarily have new powers."
So he took a deep breath, stepped forward, and walked though the door. The room was empty aside from a humanoid figure standing in the corner. The figure turned around, revealing himself to be nothing more than an old man. "I remember you. You were there at the beginning." He said as he began to walk towards Marshall. Marshall tried to pass through the door again, but found himself unable to. "You won't be able to do that again, you were only able to do it because I allowed you to do it. You're in my realm now." Said the old man ominously. The old man reached out, and with one wrinkly hand touched him with his finger.
Suddenly the alarms went off and a swarm of men in full body armor rushed in to pull Marshall out of the room. One of the men, who Marshall guessed was the commanding officer, spoke into a radio "Anomaly 2987retrieved successfully. Standing by for transfer orders.". They injected something into his neck and Marshall blacked out. When he came to, he was back in his cell again.
Bella can i have another experiment or something to give me an excuse to write more
Can do. For the record all your character has is super strength, which isn't all that much to work with. As you can see from your experiment.
{Experiment 392820}
Subject(s): 2006 and 2886
Experiment: Subjects 2006 and 2886 will arm wrestle. Because why not?
Status: Approved.
Experiment: Subjects 2006 and 2886 will arm wrestle. Because why not?
Status: Approved.
That was pretty cool, but Marshall is 2987. Layla is 2911.
Easily fixed. But while I was writing it I kept seeing "He did this, he did that, he thought this, that guy said that." Basic word repetition. Any ideas on improving that?
When I'm writing from the viewpoint of a single character, i.e. in these vignettes, I will the name the character within the first couple sentences of a paragraph and then use their pronoun throughout the paragraph and repeat the process again in each new paragraph. For minor characters, I will usually refer to them by their name each time they act because they aren't developed so most readers will have a hard time keeping track of them.
For instance, the guards in Marshall's last vignette were extremely difficult to tell apart, even for me. Thus I had to give them specific traits, such as the one who was extremely large, but I named the guard who was shot and the leader because they had more involved reactions and speaking roles. If this were a novel, I would give each guard a name and a little bit of a backstory. It wouldn't be very involved or complicated(I'm not Stephen King, that dude is crazy with minute details), but it would be enough that a reader could identify a person each time they acted.
One of the reasons why I'm writing in here is because I come across these situations that require me to break out tools I don't normally use because I tend to avoid these problems whenever possible. As you could likely tell from the first Spambot thread, I have oodles of backstory for my main characters. You guys actually got to read some stuff probably no one else will even after I'm published.
Bottom line, there is a space between too repetitive with Proper Nouns and too repetitive with pronouns. The only way to find it is to write...a lot. Even then, it will still feel wrong from time to time. Just use the active voice as much as you can because that helps this problem a lot, and if you're getting confused, your readers are getting confused so change it up.
Dos characters mis amigo.
So what you're saying is, the reader will recognize them by their personality instead of by the name you identify them with? As a reader, I can definitely see what you're saying there. Another silly question I have is this: If it's just a back and forth conversation between two characters, would it be silly to omit the part that defines who said what unless I want to describe how they are saying something? For example could "I hate you." Said Jered just become "I hate you."?
OOC: For that last part, you could do that, as long as you had mentioned who was saying what first, otherwise, omitting it wouldn't be any good; IE: "This is a good idea..." mentioned Bellaabzug. "It's not!" retorted Whizzball.
"It is!"
"it's not!"
"Is"
"Not!"
etc.
That'd be fine. But do remember not to extend it too much if you do do that, otherwise it becomes confusing.
Byrne waited. As the clock ticked on, he waited. He was getting very bored when a portal opened up outside, and a reconnaissance unit appeared. It scouted the area and then vanished again. Things were going to get interesting thought Byrne, as he stood up.
"Hello," said Person 1. "I'm a person."
"Me, too," said Person 2.
"What does it mean, exactly, to be a person?"
"Personhood is a state of mind, I think."
Person 1 considered the statement. "Person 2, you're kind of strange."
"I know, but that's a state of mind, too."
Tagging dialogue doesn't even have to be done in multiple party conversations, but that takes a ton of skill to be legible. Read some George R. R. Martin for how to do complex dialogue really well.
Thomas licks his lips, hoping for the next bite to eat. He noticed they were providing less nutritional meals. Actually, he didn't but Mark did.
"You think it's food time yet? I'd kill for a hamburger."
Mark shook his head, but as doing so, a guard came in, and placed two plates containing a hamburger with sauteed onions, onions, lettuce, bacon, melted cheese and the burger, grilled. Salty looking fries sat on the plate as well, and a glass of soft drink.
"Thank you, have a good day." Mark said as he grabbed the plate and sat on his well made bed.
The guard grunted and Thomas settled back on his own bed, much more messy than Mark's.
"They're all idiots, don't be nice to them."
"Wish they'd get me that paper I asked for, and the pen too."
"Doubt they will."
OOC: Can you make something interact with them, Bella? Also Dgas escaped but didn't bother Mark or Thomas but they let free a couple SCP's maybe, so maybe they could or something idk.
"You think it's food time yet? I'd kill for a hamburger."
Mark shook his head, but as doing so, a guard came in, and placed two plates containing a hamburger with sauteed onions, onions, lettuce, bacon, melted cheese and the burger, grilled. Salty looking fries sat on the plate as well, and a glass of soft drink.
"Thank you, have a good day." Mark said as he grabbed the plate and sat on his well made bed.
The guard grunted and Thomas settled back on his own bed, much more messy than Mark's.
"They're all idiots, don't be nice to them."
"Wish they'd get me that paper I asked for, and the pen too."
"Doubt they will."
OOC: Can you make something interact with them, Bella? Also Dgas escaped but didn't bother Mark or Thomas but they let free a couple SCP's maybe, so maybe they could or something idk.
For the record, this is what 343 looks like for anyone wondering. Just let that take a second to sink in.
For the record, this is what 343 looks like for anyone wondering. Just let that take a second to sink in.
CHUCK?!?!!?!?
CHUCK!!!????!???!
Way back when, I wrote this. Must have gotten deleted or something. This is why I save everything I post here in a word document
Thanatos woke up in his cell. The last thing he remembered was being attacked and... dying. How had he survived that? Then he looked down at his arm, and stared in shock at what he saw. His arm was now replaced with some kind of mechanical replica. He flexed it. It seemed to be working just as nice as his old one. He punched the wall with it. As he drew it back, he saw nothing. Which was to be expected of course, since this prison was built to contain him perfectly. Then he looked closer. There was a crack.