OR:
1) open ftb launcher
2) hit "download server"
3) download, then extract zip
4) run "serverstart.bat'
5) if you want, you can open the bat and edit the memory options^
6) once it loads, shut down the server
7) now you can edit server.properties, the file is pretty self-explanatory
8) for the whitelist, at the server gui when you start it up,
/whitelist on
/whitelist add "username"
9) If you haven't port forwarded yet, either
google it, or if you can't, use
hamachi
10) for private servers, you shouldn't have to worry about anti-greifing plugins (;