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I don't think you realize it's a lightweight modpack for the low end computers. Having buildcraft and other mods you suggest would completely void the reason of FTBlite.
Those mods are more resource intensive.
Use MCPC+ and open the spigot config and turn the view distance down from 10 to 3.
You'll save a lot of ram and processing power by doing this.
For your topic questions. I run 2 FTB servers with 100+ people on each.
Each server has 16GB. I only assign 8GB to java for under 150 players. You...