Thanks for being here

Discussion in 'Introductions' started by pc_assassin, Feb 26, 2015.

  1. pc_assassin

    pc_assassin New Member

    I was going to wait till I was here for a year to do this but I could never figure out what to write. Well now I just need to say thanks and it couldn't wait any longer. Please note what I'm about to tell you is my life story and I would appreciate if you took it as such.

    So my name is Matt, I live in a family with 8 kids (so far) and my mom and dad. The thing with my family is I get beat up and picked on a lot. My older brothers treat me like something they would scrape off their shoes, and that is to say, shit. My parents aren't much better. My mom suffers from muscular dystrophy and is quit angry all the time since she has to be in a wheelchair. When she gets mad she will take it out on me, I dont make it easy for her admittedly, but still most of her anger is unjustified.

    So I turned to video games as a release. After awhile I found FTB and modded minecraft through youtubers I watched on a regular basis. I came here after watching Generikb's first couple episodes of Agrarian skies. I searched agrarian skies in Google went to jaded's thread and asked how to install optifine with her pack. After that I pretty much ignored the forums for about 2 months. I started posting here because I had found a great server that put up with my non-sense. After that I found that the community was much more than "here is my pack/server play it". I found that there was life here, enough so to make me forget my troubles. Now skip forward to the school year. My parents make me stay home with the baby, so now I have 0 contact with the 4 or so people in the public school system that had ever been nice to me the forums were the answer to my loneliness. Skip forward to tonight, my mom comes flying down the hall on her power chair, runs up my foot and ankle, I hit her for the first time in my life. She screams for my dad to run quick, he comes, she tells him what happend and he pounds my shoulder. I glare at him and he slams me back against the counter and choked me saying "I better not catch you looking at me again or I will beat you till you're unable to move." So from there I go to my room lock my door and write this.

    All my life its been like this, for example when I was five I wrote a note on my moms pillow saying "you aren't fair" and after I went to bed my dad came down yelled at me about "life isn't fair so grow the hell up." There are two things that keep me going and not giving into the thoughts of suicide that visit me almost daily, this place and my faith.
    I have talked to my pastor before and he said running away would be a huge sin so I won't do that so for most things I have learned to just roll with, like nearly eternal verbal abuse. Every chance I get I come here to have a good time. I like so many posts not because I want to make a record, like I have been saying, but as a simple way to make someone else smile. So I thank you all for being there for me and keeping me from being either in a wooden box or in a psychiatric ward.

    Some people I would especially like to thank: The FTB team, gideonseymour, dj., solomonAiel, derpysauce, padfoote, livingangrycheese, heilmewtwo, jordsta, goreae, xtordx, playerismc, skeletonpunk, thatoneslowking, erunation, rjs, nojr, thomaz, the_j, parcel, zoxeaeus, purplementat, pyure, strikingwolf, spwnx, chbachman, ljfa, coolsquid, iskandar, vikestep, trajing, ravynoushunter, drowelf, jedi, and many more

    Sent From Something That You Won't Care About Using Tapatalk 2
    Last edited: Feb 26, 2015
  2. HeilMewTwo

    HeilMewTwo New Member

    Umm... I have no idea how to respond to that. Besides being glad that you are here. If you ever want to talk, please do not hesitate.
  3. Someone Else 37

    Someone Else 37 Forum Addict

    A couple of quotes from the "Stupid Things People have Said about Modded MC" thread in response to this:
    (emphasis mine)

    I'm glad the community here is friendly enough for you to take refuge here. I've never been through anything close to what you're in the middle of, so I don't really know what to say other than quoting those who have.
  4. RavynousHunter

    RavynousHunter New Member

    Aye, what I said to Reika applies to you, too: basically, I'm here to help. However, with your situation, I would suggest contacting CPS, or your country's equivalent. What you are suffering is called child abuse where I come from. It doesn't matter what problems they're going thru, they are never allowed to take out their anger on you or anyone else. Remember: respect is earned, even for family. Get the law involved; unless you live in some podunk part of nowhere, they'll listen and they'll help get you out of that situation. Nobody deserves what you're getting, nobody.
  5. pc_assassin

    pc_assassin New Member

    I would do that, but I'm almost out of high school. I teach myself using the books that my parents had to give my by law, or something like that. After high school, and I have looked into this, my family has a fund for any descendant of my great grandpa to go to college, and my grandpa has offered to pay for rent if I can make it. So unless it gets any worse I will tough it out, try to learn from this experience, and never repeat what happened in this house.

    Anyway I just woke up so I'm feeling optimistic

    Sent From Something That You Won't Care About Using Tapatalk 2
    Padfoote likes this.
  6. GamerwithnoGame

    GamerwithnoGame Forum Addict

    I am glad you have this place.

    Sometimes we're in shitty situations in life, that would otherwise be intolerable; others of us are just a bit lonely. But everyone needs someone to talk to, some support, and I'm very very glad you have that here.

    *dude hugs*

    - GwnG
  7. pc_assassin

    pc_assassin New Member

    Thanks I know if I ever need to I can talk to you guys on here

    Sent From Something That You Won't Care About Using Tapatalk 2
  8. GamerwithnoGame

    GamerwithnoGame Forum Addict

    Always, chap.

    A lot of people denigrate the value of friendships with people you haven't met, and I can say with 100% certainty that such skepticism is a bunch of bullcarp. Some of my best friends I know via the internet, and other friendships with people I HAVE met are maintained entirely by e-communication, having moved southwest a while ago. Not everyone is here all the time, but someone will be there for you.

    You have always, from what I've seen, acted with integrity, friendliness and decency on here.

    You are good people.

    - GwnG
  9. Reika

    Reika RotaryCraft Dev FTB Mod Dev

    This. Not only will it put a stop to the abuse you are currently receiving, it will prevent them from doing anything else in the future. As you grow older, their reactions are likely to grow more and more aggressive, and given your account of your fathers pathetic attempts at discipline, his methods may very well become lethal.

    But I have to credit the Minecraft community as well with helping me through tough times, in that having a mod to work on kept me going (the early days of RC overlap with the times I described earlier). At a time when even my 'friends' (*cough cough snort gag*) were saying things like "life is not for everyone" in response to my self-destructive leanings, having this to work on, and having it be (mostly) well-received really helped.
  10. RavynousHunter

    RavynousHunter New Member

    Aye. Another online community helped me thru some...very unpleasant parts of my life. Its no exaggeration to say that they quite literally helped save me from myself.

    Basically, a few years ago, I was in a different relationship with a different woman. Like how my current one used to be, this one was long-distance, but there were plans in the works to bridge said distance. I was just recovering from the 13 years of trauma inflicted upon me by school, and having someone that wasn't family that seemed to actually want me around amazed me. For several months, things were going rather well; I was getting into a better state, psychologically, and all thing seemed to be pointing toward the conclusion that this relationship would be both happy and, ultimately, successful. Then, one day, out of effing nowhere, she just stopped talking to me. No texts, no emails, no Facebook messages, no IMs, nothing. She'd ghosted me and didn't even have the balls to tell me why. To this day, I don't know why she did it, but at least now, I don't care enough to bother thinking about it. For eight months, I agonized over what could've gone wrong, I kept desperately trying to contact her, if for no other reason than to actually tell me that we were through. I contemplated suicide several times and what sanity I'd managed to cobble together began to unravel as I flew between extreme depression, lust, and rage. It wasn't until I found another friend, the woman with whom I'm currently living (and am married to in pretty much every sense but legally), who helped me see that I might have not done anything wrong. That small revelation pulled me from my downward spiral enough that I was able to be the kind of friend she needed when, later, she went thru a bad breakup, herself.

    I may be many things, some of them quite unpleasant, but I now realize that I didn't deserve any of what happened to me. If I can help other people in bad situations, then I can do that memory justice and help see that all the bad I've suffered in my life leads to good ends. I need a DevilDriver fix, excuse me.
  11. Reika

    Reika RotaryCraft Dev FTB Mod Dev

    I must admit seeing how successful others have been with relationships makes me extremely jealous...:oops:
  12. RavynousHunter

    RavynousHunter New Member

    It'll happen. You seem, at least to me, to be an alright guy. Just do what you do and be who you are, though, it doesn't hurt to keep an eye out. One bit of advice I can give is to, when you find someone that might be a good fit, to be their friend first and foremost. Not for any ulterior motive or anything like that, just be there for 'em. If you're compatible, there's a good chance it'll happen. I didn't have a girlfriend until I was 20.

    Ignore all the "do X and attract a woman" nonsense you see on the internet. If you have to change who you are to be with someone, it isn't worth it. There's someone out there that will love you for who you are, including any emotional baggage you may be carrying.

    Also, appropriate song is highly appropriate:
    LivingAngryCheese likes this.
  13. Reika

    Reika RotaryCraft Dev FTB Mod Dev

    None of this makes me feel any better, and much of it makes me feel worse, given that your point - along with many, many others saying similar things - can basically be summarized as "don't worry, it's practically guaranteed. Even those who seem to have no luck eventually succeed; look at me, it took me until I [X] and I still succeeded." This is the exact opposite of reassuring to someone who has nothing but a long history of abysmal (and often emotionally and even physically painful) failures and for whom [X] has come and gone lone ago with not even a hint of change from the pattern.

    I have had people try to be optimistic, and even a few who have tried to help me. All of them started off saying things similar to what you did, until they saw firsthand just how badly it goes over when I try, and in one of the cases of them trying to help (I was working a job where just about everyone except me was paired off, and they tried to play "matchmaker" with me, feeling sorry for me) the person they were trying to match with me threatened to go to HR and report sexual harassment.

    That, combined with the time I got pepper sprayed for complimenting someone ("get away from me you creep!"), or the time I got rejected not just by the person I asked but 16 or so of her friends (pre-emptively), or the time I was told "you'd have to fix your face first", has caused me to doubt any chance of success barring either a miracle or someone extremely understanding who is so rare that the chances of meeting them are effectively zero.
    Last edited: Feb 28, 2015
  14. RavynousHunter

    RavynousHunter New Member

    Damn, bro. Still, just tryin to help where I can...can't always expect to be successful.
  15. Reika

    Reika RotaryCraft Dev FTB Mod Dev

    I understand and do not fault you for it, just telling you that sometimes optimism bites worse than nothing at all.
    pizzawolf14 likes this.
  16. RavynousHunter

    RavynousHunter New Member

    Don't I know it. Honestly, during that whole eight months of hell, the worst bit was when people would say it'd get better without her, when she was the only thing I really wanted.

    For those wondering why I'm so...I guess, for lack of a better term, nice, its mostly because of a lot of regret. I had opportunities when I was younger to help people and I never took them because I was too selfish, always focusing on only my problems and never trying to help others when the opportunity arose. I was a coward, but I'm not going to be that way, anymore.
  17. Gideonseymour

    Gideonseymour Relatable Gamer Trusted User Retired Staff

    Aw, I'm honoured to be one of the first that came to your mind.

    And don't worry - things get better. I had a similar thing happen where I lost most of my friends, and the FTB Forum and the people on it were here for me. Being able to come home each day and see the people here and work on packs left me feeling genuinely happy. And after that, it was only a matter of time before things got better in real life, and they certainly got better on the forums.

    Just stick it out. You're a good person, and things will get better.
    Padfoote and pc_assassin like this.
  18. RJS

    RJS New Member

    I'm really bad with saying this kind of stuff, so I'm gonna keep it short to minimise the risk of making an absolute goof.

    I've had nothing but positive interactions with you, and I doubt anyone on these forums would say anything differently. I can't really relate to your situation but things will get better. It sounds like you have a pretty solid plan in place, and if you need help with anything, you can talk to us. We're a community, and I've always felt that that word means more on these forums than in most places. Keep being you, and keep being awesome! These forums wouldn't be the same without our resident potato!
    pc_assassin likes this.
  19. Strikingwolf

    Strikingwolf New Member

    I haven't had an experience exactly like this. Mine was more one of psychological misery and not being able to be who I am. I can say that you are a very positive person, and I am very honored that you thought of me. I also wish you luck in all you do, you deserve it. Your experiences have been no doubt worse than mine, and I can only understand a fraction of the pain you feel. However, I know that me and you are similar in that we found that we could be who we wanted to be on the forums. And I will repeat Gideon's words, things do get better.
    pc_assassin likes this.
  20. pc_assassin

    pc_assassin New Member

    Well now I done fucked up and I didn't even do anything wrong! My mom has always hated electronics (at least when us kids use them she is glued to her ipad 24/7) but my dad hasn't really ever cared since it keeps us out of the way. Well saturday she flipped for something and I wasn't making bottles for the baby so she had my dad take everything from my room, my computer, my phone, tablets, even books! I have a bed and school work left. Im talking from my old laptop that i kept hidden and stole the RAM out of so it appeared to be broken. I know where my stuff is but its an hour away inside a locked auto shop. I don't know when i will be back to regular forum usage as i can only get onto this late at night when everyone else is asleep so until then, goodbye.

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